


Fish Scales and Bat Wings

by Luneth



Series: FantasyStuck [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Comedic Dramatic Irony, M/M, Merfolk Eridan, Romantic Comedy, Vampire Dirk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-03-17 11:05:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13657731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luneth/pseuds/Luneth
Summary: Eridan is merfolk, but able to walk on land disguised as a human. Roxy is the only human who knows his secret.Dirk is a vampire, living among humanity in secret. Only a select few humans know, Roxy being one of them.Eridan is really starting to feel attracted to that blond human friend of Roxy's with the spiky shades.Dirk is becoming unable to deny his attraction to Roxy's nerdy human friend with the freckles and glasses.Dating could be risky, but if they act human enough, maybe the other won't notice?Roxy needs some popcorn.





	1. Try it

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, I did it. I wrote the fic. I'm posting it. Here.  
> It's not like, my next masterpiece but it's a romcom with two blundering dorks so, you'll probably get a laugh and aw out of it.
> 
> Thank you for your patience.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eridan comes ashore, Dirk comes out into the sun, and they both meet on the beach at evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aside from mermaids, there are also these creatures called Merrows, who can turn human if they give a human their cap. I kind of edited that myth for Eridan.  
> Vampires can apparently catch fire really easily.

The first rays of dawn struck the surface of the water, making it glitter with the rising sun’s glow. Roxy sat on her usual rock, one that missed most of the spray from the tide. The area was nestled under a large cliff, and a small beach-house rested on a dock nearby. Together, the spot was hidden entirely from the rest of the beach. Roxy kicked at a rock and stared at her phone with a bored expression, bobbing her head along to the music in her earbuds. Every so often her eyes would flicker up at the waves and down again.

The surface of the water trembled, then split to reveal a pair of spiked horns gliding toward her. She lowered her phone to watch them approach. The horns rose to reveal a mass of soaked black hair with a violet fringe. Next to appear was a face with skin like a dolphin’s, smooth and dark gray, and gold eyes with violet irises. They blinked once at Roxy, then the creature rose further out of the water, pulling himself up halfway onto a flat stone. He resembled a man from the waist up, apart from the fins extending from the sides of his face, over his arms, and down his back, and the horns sprouting from his head. At the waist, his skin merged into a sea of violet-tinted silver scales, forming a single tail.

Roxy yawned and pulled one earbud out.

“Yo Eri, do you really gotta do this so early?”

“Oh, c’mon Rox.” Eridan pulled himself a little farther up onto the rock. One hand went up to run a pointed yellow fingernail down the slits across his neck. The slits twitched, adjusting to the lack of water flowing through them. “Ya know this is the best time. Almost no one’s around, also the ocean looks amazin right now.”

“Ye but,” Roxy popped her other earbud out, “once you’ve seen an ocean sunrise, you’ve seen ‘em all.”

“Pah.” Eridan flashed her a grimace, showing off a row of sharklike teeth. To almost anyone, it could have been interpreted quite easily as a clear threat, but by now, Roxy could recognize by the quickness of the movement and how his lips didn’t curl back that it was more a gesture of friendly disdain than anything serious. “You don’t appreciate the beauty a the ocean.” Eridan reached up to his neck again. He wore no clothes aside from a few gold bracelets and rings. Those and a single pendant around his neck. It was made of silver, delicate tendrils of metal swirling around themselves. Set in the middle was a large violet jewel that sparkled from the water. He looped the necklace over his head. It would probably sell for quite a pretty penny, but to him it was worth more than all the riches in the world, land and sea.

“Heads up.” He said before tossing it over to Roxy. Her hand snapped up to catch it with a practiced air. As soon as the pendant touched her skin he felt something shift in his chest. He took a slow breath and tried to relax himself for the process.

First, he felt his gills sealing up. He reminded himself to breathe with his lungs, taking slow, even breathes as the slits vanished. He could see the skin on his arms shifting, changing texture and going from gray to a soft bronze color. His fins and horns sunk and dissolved into his skin and his teeth flattened and rearranged themselves. In the slowest process, the scales of his tail shifted and merged with each other, changing into the same bronze skin, then splitting and the tip and moving up. Eridan sucked in a breath of air and dug his fingers into the stone, waiting for his legs to form. Pins and needles danced down the length as the nerves rearranged and the bones formed. After a few minutes, it was done. Eridan gingerly raised one leg, testing to make sure it had worked correctly.

“You alright?” Roxy asked as she checked to make sure the necklace was secure around her neck. Eridan nodded. The first time had been terrible, but by now he was used to it. Roxy tossed him a towel and he wrapped it around his waist, then carefully stood up. He moved slowly at first. Once, he had gotten too sure of himself right after transforming, and ended up stumbling and slashing one of his newly formed legs on one of the rocks. He still had the scar, even after changing back and forth several times.

Roxy hopped over and helped him maneuver over the rocks until they made it over to the steps leading to the beach house. Eridan had bought it with money from selling fish and jewels he found in the ocean, and gotten it fixed up to suit his needs. There was a hatch that led straight to the ocean, nestled in the corner of a cozy living room that, for the most part, seemed to belong to a typical human, albeit a human with a very strong taste in nautical-themed decorations.

Eridan headed straight for the shower while Roxy crashed onto the couch. He turned the water on and sighed. Hanging out near thermal vents had its perks, but he couldn’t control the temperature and stream like a shower could. He supposed it was one of the things humans had gotten pretty right in terms of invention.

First, he scrubbed the salt off his body using some lavender-scented soap, then he shampooed, shampooed, moisturized, and conditioned his hair to make it soft and fluffy to the touch. Once out of the shower, he blow-dried and styled his hair, then headed into his bedroom.

He dug through the clothes in his closet, comparing one, then another. It had felt pretty hot out. He lingered on a long-sleeved blue blouse before finally choosing a lilac shirt, which he matched with a knee-length pink skirt. Even with legs, pants felt weird to him.

Once dressed, he returned to the bathroom to restyle his hair because it had gotten messed up a bit, then dug through his make-up. Something simple today? Subtle. Subtle but impressive. He wiped on a bit of eye-liner and some lip-gloss, then leaned back to admire himself in the mirror.

…Or **would** he look better with the blue blouse?

He only changed his mind twice more, and restyled his hair three times more, before returning to Roxy in the living room. She was snoring peacefully. Eridan’s mouth twitched and he poked her cheek. She blinked and glanced up at him.

“Damn Eri, you look hella.”

“Thanks.”

She sat up and checked her phone.

“Took yer time today, huh?” She shot him a sly glance. “Would that have aaaaaanythin to do with who we’re meeting for brunch today?”

“Wha- **no**.” He sputtered and shook his head. “What if I just wanna look nice for my own self? Huh?” Roxy snickered.

“Eri you **always** look nice, but today you look speeeecial-” She leaned back against him as she said the word. “-nice.” He huffed and nudged her off.

“Well maybe I just wanted to look ‘speeeeecial’ nice today.”

“Uh huh.”

Eridan turned away from her knowing look. He could feel a dusting of warmth rising on his cheeks.

“Whatever. We’re meetin him at ten, right?”

 

000

 

Dawn was just starting to creep into the sky as Dirk made it back to his apartment. The growing sunlight prickled his skin as he leapt across the rooftops, finally landing on the fire escape outside his window. He pushed the window up and slipped inside, closing it and the curtains behind him. He sighed and checked the time. 6:12am.

“Dude.” He looked up to find Dave leaning on the kitchen counter, a mug in one hand. “You trying to get a tan or something? Stop scaring the shit out of me.”

“Sorry.” Dirk rubbed the back of his neck, hoping it hadn’t burned. A spicy-tart scent hit his nose. Dave was drinking hot apple cider, with a bit of cinnamon and honey. “I’ll be more careful tonight.”

Dave glanced over at the clock on the wall. “Aren’t you meeting Roxy and her grumpy friend in like a couple hours?”

“3 hours, 48 minutes,” Dirk corrected him as he walked over to the couch. He crashed down across it, falling naturally into a comfortable position. “Gonna crash here. You mind?”

“Your bed is twenty feet from here.”

“Twenty-five,” Dirk rolled over to shoot him a deadpan look, “I counted.”

“Whatever.” Dave shrugged one shoulder at him as he headed into his own room. “I’m turning in, so I don’t need it.”

“Cool.” Dirk set his phone alarm before tossing it and his shades on the coffee table. He lay back, pillowing his arm under his head and closing his eyes.

And then his alarm was blaring and a sliver of bright sunlight was tracing its way across the living room. He groaned and rolled over to snatch his phone up. Alright, shower, get dressed, et cetera.

Dirk had known Roxy for about ten years now, and she had to be the closest that he had ever gotten to a human. Eridan was a friend of hers whom he had met a couple of years ago. At first Dirk had taken him to be a bit rough and grouchy, but as they had warmed up to each other Dirk found him to be intelligent, powerful, with a “give-no-fuck” attitude, and deeply caring of his friends (although he showed that in sometimes awkward ways.)

Eridan was, objectively, fairly attractive. He was also, as Roxy liked to point out to Dirk at least several times a week, single and bi.

These were facts and observations that ran through Dirk’s head as he showered and styled his hair. Another one bounced around in his head as well, one that frequently clashed with the others. Eridan most likely didn’t believe in vampires, much less would be keen on dating one.

This was just brunch, though.

Dirk pulled on a long-sleeved white shirt and jeans, then grabbed a tube of sunscreen. He was running low. Finding SPF: one-billion was kind of hard, so he tended to order it online in bulk. He made a mental note to place another order as he rubbed a generous amount onto every exposed bit of his almost paper-white skin. As a final touch, he put on a pair of pointed black shades. Everything taken care of, he texted Roxy to let her know he was on his way and headed out of his room.

He braced himself as he walked through the lobby toward the front door. Even with the sunscreen, the sunlight prickled his skin and set off a kind of reflex, telling his body he needed to get out, to dive back into the shadows. He forced it down and kept walking.

 

000

 

Eridan glared down at the ice cream parfait Roxy was presently digging into.

“It’s really gross that you eat that,” He commented, “Isn’t it like, the milk of a cow?” Roxy rolled her eyes, her spoon sticking out of her mouth. They had decided to sit outside since it was a nice day, but Roxy had insisted on sitting at the table in the shade, in addition to the umbrella each one had.

“And howzat any different than the meat?”

“It’s different!” Eridan protested, “Meat is…you’re supposed to eat it! Tons a animals are carnivores!” Roxy just shrugged.

“More for me.” She drummed her fingers on the table. “Dirk should be here soon.” She shot Eridan a wink, which made Eridan duck his head to look down at his own drink.

“It wouldn’t work between us, Rox.” He stirred the ice around with his straw. “I mean, even **if** he liked me back, I dunno about the whole…” He made a gesture to himself. “Thing.” Roxy snort.

“Eri, **trust me** , he’d be cool with it.”

“You don’t get it, Rox.” Eridan flicked his hand at her. “This is somethin I gotta be really cautious about. Don’t wanna end up dead or on a table, or both, ya know?”

“Ye, ye…” Roxy sighed and propped her chin up in her hand, then her eyes lit up. “Yo there he is!” She got up to wave Dirk over. Eridan twisted around in his chair to look.

It was easy to pick Dirk out in the crowd. He was taller than most, with broad shoulders and powerfully built arms. His signature pointed shades stood out against his pale skin and blond hair, impeccably styled as always. Eridan watched the muscles move under his shirt as he walked toward him. Even weaving through the crowd, his steps were so incredibly graceful, they just flowed into each other so he glided more than walked.

Dirk came to a stop and looked first at Roxy, then Eridan. He raised one hand in greeting.

“Hey.” Eridan bobbed his head in return while Roxy flashed him a peace sign. Dirk took a seat next to Roxy in the shadiest part of the table, then cocked an eyebrow at Roxy’s parfait. “Bit of a sugary choice for brunch, Roxy.”

“D-irk Stri-der!” Roxy jabbed her spoon at him. “You do **not** comment on a lady’s choice in food!”

“Alright,” Dirk raised his hands in surrender and shook his head. “Alright, when your teeth rot out don’t come crying to me.” Roxy chuckled and swatted him on the back.

“I ordered you your usual.” She said with an airy wave. A waiter came by a minute later with the food. A tuna sandwich for Eridan, a grilled cheese for Roxy, and a sausage and egg breakfast for Dirk with a fruit cup.

Eridan flicked the bread off his sandwich with his fork before digging into the tuna directly. Roxy had assured him that this could pass for simple eccentrics. He liked this place because they didn’t go heavy on the mayonnaise, and he could actually taste the fish for a change. He took a sip of water to wash down the bite. Human cuisine had its boons, but they seemed to hate the idea of enjoying things in their authentic tastes.

“Is that shirt new?”

Eridan jumped and looked up. Dirk watched him though his shades, his fork lifted halfway up.

“Huh, uh-” Eridan glanced down at himself. He had gone with lilac after all. “A little, yeah.”

“It looks nice.” Dirk commented. He nudged his eggs aside to spear another sausage. “Matches your eyes.” Eridan blushed and ducked his head, but not before catching Roxy’s look of absolute delight. His face felt like an underwater vent, ready to pop with heat, and he swallowed down the shrill squeak bubbling in his throat.

“Th-Thanks,” He muttered, then chanced a look back up at him. He couldn’t just leave it unanswered. “I mean…” He made a jerky gesture at Dirk. “It’d look good on you, too.” Roxy gagged into her drink while Dirk sat there, face blank. Eridan flushed bright red.

“Not like-!” He sputtered and began to wave his hands around, trying to backpedal. “I ain’t, not that I’m **insinuating** anythin! Just sayin, like, the color would look good, **anythin** would look good on ya, you’re so handsome, I mean-” He fell silent, face aflame. The two of them stared at each other for a few seconds while Roxy crammed her napkin against her face, eyes watering.

“You could be a model,” Eridan finally finished.

“Thanks,” Dirk answered with a tone of astounding casualty.

Eridan slammed his hands down on the table, then slowly pushed himself up.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom!” He babbled before fleeing into the restaurant.

Roxy burst into laughter, smacking her palm down on the table. Dirk sighed and rubbed his fingers against his temple.

“Ohhhh my God!” Roxy gasped and clutched at her shaking ribs. “Dirk, Dirk for fuck’s sake you’re both smitten wi’ each other! ‘It matches your eyes??’”

“That wasn’t supposed to come out as a flirtation,” Dirk grunted, “It just, happened.”

“Smitten.”

“Roxy, it wouldn’t work.” Dirk drummed his fingers on the table and glanced over at the doorway Eridan has disappeared through. His voice dipped low. “You know why it wouldn’t work.”

“Dirk,” Roxy managed to sober up enough to give him a halfway serious expression, “Dirk, Dirk, Dirky-Dirk-Dirk, I’ve known Eri for, **a while**.” She smacked her fist down for dramatic effect. “And you can trust me, when I say I am completely, utterly completely cer- _tain_ , that he would completely accept and be ok with it.” Dirk quirked an eyebrow at her.

“And you’re willing to _stake_ my life on it?” He put an emphasis on the word “stake.” Roxy rolled her eyes.

“Holy shit, yes. I actually am. If you said it was ok, **I** could tell him-”

“No.” Dirk raised his hand. “Don’t.” Roxy sighed and shook her head.

“Honestly, Di-stri.” Roxy dug her spoon into her parfait. “At least give it a shot. If you don’t think it’ll work, you can drop it without ever tellin him.” She shot him an annoyed look. “He likes you. You like him. At least give it a **shot**.”

Dirk watched her take another bite of her ice cream. She swallowed, then gave him a quizzical glare.

“Well??”

“…It’s really gross that you eat that stuff.” He finally said. Roxy rolled her eyes and slumped back in her chair.

“Just eat your fruit cup, bat-boy.”

Eridan returned a few minutes later. He drained half his glass of water in one gulp and avoided looking Dirk in the eye. The meal went on for a bit in awkward silence, then Roxy brought up a new movie coming out. Eridan lit up and started talking about how it was supposed to be scientifically accurate and have an amazing discography. Dirk threw his own opinion in on the symbolism they’d be taking from the book, and what he hoped they wouldn’t leave out. Soon the table was once again relaxed and buzzing with friendly energy as the food was eaten.

“Alright,” Dirk pushed his plate away, cleaned of everything except the eggs, “I should head out. I’m starting to really bake in this sun.” Eridan blinked, then glanced down at his own arms.

“It’s uh, really that easy, huh?” The hesitance of his wording made him sound like it was half a rhetorical question, half not. Dirk shrugged and set his portion of the bill down.

“I’m more sensitive to it than most. I’ll catch you guys later.”

“Oh hey!” Roxy jerked up straight as he started to leave. “Almost forgot!” The sly look she shot Dirk indicated she probably hadn’t forgotten at all. “Jane’s havin a beach party this evenin! Startin at 8. You guys free?”

Evening. Dirk could do evening. “Sure,” He answered, then, because Roxy was glaring a hole in his face and, if he was honest with himself, he genuinely wanted to, he turned to Eridan. “How about you?” Eridan jerked up and blinked rapidly.

“Me? Uh,” Eridan glanced at Roxy, then back at Dirk and nodded vigorously. “Yeah! Sure, s, sounds fun.”

“Cool,” Dirk nodded to him. “See you there.” And with that, he turned and left, walking quickly down the street and disappearing around a corner.

Eridan made a sound like a pressurized tea-kettle and his head sunk down to smack against the table.

“Why’d he ask me?!” He whispered. “Rox, why’d he, why’d he look at me and ask!?”

“Because he wants to see you there!” Roxy smacked him gently on the head. “Doy!”

“Oh shit, shit, Rox what am I gonna wear?? What should I say??”

“Shh, you got this Eri.”

“But what if I-”

“No.”

“What if he-”

“Nope.”

“What if-”

“Up-up-up!” Roxy wagged her finger in his face. “C’mon, you’ve got this. I’ll help you pick out an outfit.” She flashed him a wink. “And it is a ‘beach party’ so maybe you could find an excuse to lose the shirt at some point?”

“Rox!” He gasped, “I can’t be so forward, I mean-” His eyes flickered to the side, “Unless you think he’d like, be impressed?”

“Lol.”

 

000

 

The day had faded into a pleasantly cool evening. Dirk stepped onto the beach. He had changed into a tank-top and cargo shorts. He still wore his shades, though more as a fashion statement than out of necessity now.

A large bonfire had been set up, and nearby were several tables stacked with snacks. A mellow tune was bouncing through the air, and Dirk followed it to a DJ table. Dave flashed him a thumbs-up before going back to work. Dirk returned the gesture, wondering if Jane was paying him, and if she was, if it was in money or baked goods.

“ **There** you are!” He turned to see Jane jogging toward him. “I was starting to worry you weren’t coming, buster!” She caught him up in a bone-crushing hug. “I mean, I would have tracked you down and dragged you out if you hadn’t.”

“C’mon Jane.” He patted her arm. “You know I like to show up fashionably late. I’d never miss an opportunity for a free sampling of your cooking.” He glanced over at the tables and noticed the red banners on them. “What’s the occasional anyways? Roxy didn’t fill me in, is it for your bakery?”

“You can bet your bottom dollar it is!” She chuckled and smacked him on the back. “Just a little stunt for some publicity.”

“A keen mastermind as always, Crocker.”

“Watch the guacamole though,” Her voice dropped, “It’s got garlic.” Dirk pressed a hand over his chest and heaved a dramatic sigh, as if he hadn’t been able to smell it from the edge of the beach, being blasted at him by the ocean air.

“Jane, how have I spent all these lonely centuries without you?” He looped an arm around her shoulder for emphasis. Jane chuckled and broke out of the hold.

“Hey now, buster, I think there’s somewhere here that deserves your cheesy, and **genuine** , flirting.” She nudged him around toward the ocean. Eridan was sitting away from the party, legs tucked up and watching the sun set. Jane shot Dirk a wink.

“Go get’m, tiger.” She whispered, then glided off to attend to the rest of the party.

Dirk stood on his own for a few minutes, hands dug into his pockets. Eridan stared out at the waves, unmoving. He only took his eyes off the water once to glance at Roxy when she shrieked. Dirk did too and, finding her laughing, turned back to Eridan. He had already returned to watching the ocean.

Dirk may have watched him for an abnormally long time, because the last remaining rays of the sun sank into the water as he did. He may also have been abnormally focused on it, because he didn’t hear anyone sneaking up on him until arms had looped up under his and yanked them back into a hold.

“Ahoy there, dastard of the night!” The grip pulled back farther, trying to pull him off his feet. “Let your guard down, did you? Not wise, with the moon waxing full in a few days.” Dirk sighed and reached back, grabbing his captor by the back of the shirt before jerking forward and hurling him over his head, making the smallish man hit the sand on his back and knocking the wind out of him.

“Jake.” Dirk crossed his arms to look down at him. “Sup?” Jake chuckled weakly and rolled over, trying to get his air back.

“Guess you’re still as spry as usual, lack of focus notwithstanding.” Dirk scowled as he helped Jake to his feet. His senses were going off again like a fire alarm. He could smell Jake’s blood under his skin, the trace of werewolf that it carried. Dirk glanced up at the sky. The full moon would be in a few days, which explained why Jake was wearing gloves and a cap over his head. He would already be showing signs.

“I heard through the grapevine,” Jake’s tone turned mischievous, “that you’re off pursuing a certain bloke that’s got your fancy.” Dirk quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Is that what the grapevine said exactly?” Jake chuckled and rubbed the back of his head.

“Well-”

“Jake!” Jade popped up beside her brother, holding a chicken skewer in each hand. “You **have** to try these! They’re amazing!” She flashed Dirk a grin, showing off noticeably sharp teeth. She also had a hat and gloves on in the summer weather. “Hey Dirk! Enjoying the party?”

Dirk nodded as he took a couple of casual steps back. Jade was a very nice young woman. He liked her, she liked him, they were on good terms these days, but the first time they had met she had punched three teeth out of his mouth and nearly ripped his throat out.

She’d probably forgotten about that, and Dirk…for the most part kept it out of his mind.

“Anyways! Enough dawdling over here, chap!” Jake gave him a hard smack on the back. “Your quarry awaits! Turn up those Strider charms.”

“Quarry?” Dirk let him get shoved a few feet toward Eridan. “Just so we’re clear, I’m not planning to eat him.” Jake laughed.

“Yes, I don’t think Miss Lalonde would have been so pleased to share the news, then. Anyways, giddyup!” He gave him a final push before he and Jade went running back to the fire. Dirk sighed, then turned his gaze back to Eridan. He straightened his shirt, then began to walk toward him.

Eridan had changed for the evening. He was now wearing a fuller skirt, and a silk scarf was wrapped around his neck. A plate of chicken scraps sat beside him.

His head snapped up at Dirk’s approach, and he sat a little straighter.

“Dirk-!” He started, then coughed, “Uh, hey.”

“Hey.” Dirk settled down next to him. “Enjoying the party?”

“Uh, yeah.” Eridan glanced over his shoulder at the fire. “Pretty lively. That’s your brother doin the music, right?”

“Yeah, that’s Dave.”

“Resemblance is uncanny.”

“Thanks.” Dirk glanced down at the plate. “How’s the chicken?”

“It’s good.” Eridan bumped the plate with his hand. “I mean, I usually prefer fish, but Jane could make saltwater taste like a masterpiece.” Dirk nodded in agreement. Eridan had a smattering of freckles across his face, and Dirk couldn’t help tracing them with his eyes, counting them up until he lost them behind Eridan’s scarf. He wondered if they went all the way down to his shoulders.

Eridan squirmed a bit, then jerked his head up.

“Do you want some?” He blurted out. Dirk blinked.

“Huh?”

“Chicken. You can, have some, if you want?” Eridan nudged the plate toward him. “I uh-” He pointed to one piece. “I haven’t touched this piece yet, promise.”

“…Alright.” Dirk took the piece and brought it to his mouth, keeping an eye on Eridan in the meantime. He looked, adorably embarrassed. Dirk slipped it into his mouth, chewed, then swallowed.

“It’s good.” He said. Eridan nodded vigorously. Dirk turned to look over at the ocean. “Were you watching the sunset?”

“No, well, uh, kinda.” Eridan looked out at the water as well. “I was mostly watchin the ocean, and the colors from the light.”

“You’re really into the ocean, right?” Dirk asked, and Eridan stiffened. Awkward question? Dirk hurried on. “You live near it, right? And you’ve mentioned worrying about pollution?” “Mentioned” was a bit of an underestimate. Dirk had been privy to several rants about Eridan’s opinion on ocean pollution and climate change. One of them had ended with genuine plans to assassinate key members of oil businesses, until Roxy talked him out of it.

Either way, Eridan seemed to relax.

“Yeah, I guess I just,” He shrugged, “really like the ocean? It’s uh, important to me, if that makes any sense.” Dirk nodded in encouragement, and Eridan continued, talking faster as excitement started to spark in his eyes.

“It’s just, amazin. The stuff that’s in there, I don’t think you…I don’t think any human could every understand everything in there. It’s…” His eyes clouded over as he seemed to lose himself into his mind. “It’s beautiful,” He murmured, raising his hands up as if wanting to reach out to it, “It’s beautiful and powerful and…and incredible.” His hands dropped down into his lap. “Humans are never gonna understand how incredible it is. They can’t conquer it. They’ll never be stronger than it.”

“Probably not,” Dirk answered, “Me, I think I’ll just be satisfied being stronger than any shark coming my way.” Eridan blinked, then burst into laughter. It was a musical, tinkling sound, like seashells clattering together. Dirk’s fingers curled into his palms and he decided at that moment that yes, fuck repercussions, he wanted to try this.

“You have a nice laugh,” He told Eridan once he had stopped. Eridan flushed and looked away, but not before Dirk saw a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“Thanks.”

The music behind them changed, moving into a slow dance. Dirk twisted around to shoot Dave a suspicious look. Dave just answered with another thumbs-up. Dirk rolled his eyes before turning back to Eridan.

“Do you know this song?” It wasn’t popular, and a little old, which is why Dirk was surprised when Eridan nodded.

“ _Tombs and Krypton_. It’s not bad.”

“Into music?” Dirk guessed. Eridan nodded.

“A bit.”

“In that case,” Dirk got to his feet, then offered a hand to Eridan, “Care to dance?” Eridan looked at the hand in confusion, then his face bloomed into an expression of shock and uncertainty.

“Oh, uh, I-” He looked down at his legs. “I ain’t, so good at dancin.”

“I’ll work you through it.” Dirk pulled Eridan to his feet. “It’ll be pretty slow.” Eridan still looked nervous, but he clasped Dirk’s hand and let Dirk maneuver his grip into the right position.

“First, put your feet like this,” Dirk kept his tone soothing as he showed Eridan which way to move. One hand held Eridan’s while the other was clasped around his waist.

Eridan’s hand, to Dirk’s surprise, was cold. It wasn’t often that Dirk found someone with a lower body temperature than his.

 _“Guess I fall within a human range after all.”_ He thought briefly before turning his attention on the dance. “So, like this-”

They began to step together in a simple pattern. Eridan was a bit jerky with his steps, but he had a natural sense of rhythm and soon fell into the beat of the music.

“You’re a natural.” Dirk commented, with a touch of genuine surprise. Eridan grinned and ducked his head.

“You’re a good teacher.”

“Alright, let’s try this:” Dirk stepped forward, then released his hold on Eridan’s waist to spin him around. Eridan followed along with the guidance and found himself stumbling back around and falling into Dirk’s chest. He flushed and looked up at Dirk, who winked back. Eridan laughed again, that clear beautiful laugh.

The song ended, but Eridan stayed standing against Dirk, his head nestled in his shoulder. Dirk could hear Eridan’s heartbeat, beating fast and pulsing blood through his veins. His blood smelled interesting, a genetic makeup Dirk couldn’t place.

He couldn’t help wondering how it tasted.

He nudged Eridan back and coughed into his sleeve. Eridan rocked back on his heels, still looking a little stunned from the dance.

“That was nice.” Eridan finally said. Dirk nodded.

“Yeah, you picked it up pretty fast.”

“It was fun.” Eridan brushed his hair back. “I’d never tried dancin before. It looked-” A heavy gust of wind cut him off as he yelped and clutched at his scarf. Dirk steadied his stance, and that’s when he heard Jake shout in alarm. He spun around to see Jake shrinking away from the light of the fire, covering his now bare head. His hat swirled over above Dirk’s head before sailing out over the ocean.

“Shit!” Dirk started after it but it was already out over the water, where it landed to bob in the waves.

“Aw Hell,” Eridan was watching it as well, “That’s probably gonna choke a shark or someth…uh,” He glanced at Jake. Roxy had run over and dumped her scarf over his head. “I mean, was that important to him?”

“Sort of.” Dirk moved toward Jake. Someone was approaching him to ask if he was alright, and he was enthusiastically waving them off and assuring them as he backed further away from the fire. Dirk’s eyes scanned for a better makeshift cover than a scarf. Jade was digging around in her bag, but didn’t seem to be coming up with anything.

“I’ll get it!” Eridan declared. Dirk spun around to face him. It was almost completely dark out now, and that hat was out past the surf.

“Uh, Eridan-”

“I got it,” Eridan insisted as he tugged off his scarf. He hesitated, then pulled his shirt up over his head and dropped his skirt, leaving him in just his underwear. Dirk couldn’t help but notice he had an impressive build of muscle on his arms and legs, tight and compressed into a lithe frame like a gymnast’s body.

Before Dirk realized it, Eridan was pushing his clothes into his arms, along with his glasses, then went sprinting forward to dive into the water.

“W…Wait!” Dirk started after him. “It’s too far out, Eridan-”

“Yo,” Roxy’s hand clapped down on his shoulder. “It’s fine, he’ll be fine.”

Dirk had little choice but to trust her on the matter. It was too dark for humans, but he could easily see Eridan by the light of the moon. To his surprise, Eridan cut through the water like a bullet. He was faster than some motorboats Dirk had seen. He made a beeline for the hat drifting in the waves, snatched it and went into a fluid turn back to shore.

In no time at all he was wading back onto the beach, the hat clutched in one hand. Jake and Jade ran over to meet him.

“Here.”  He didn’t even seem winded as he offered up the hat. “It’s soakin wet but a run through the-” Jake snatched it out of his hand and slapped it onto his head. “Uh-” Eridan stared at the water dripping down Jake’s face. “-Alright.”

“Thank you so much!” Jade caught him in a suffocating hug, making him choke and gasp. Jake offered a salute and a grateful grin.

“I’ll second that! You really helped me out there, chap!”

“N-No problem,” He muttered and pushed Jade back. “Just be more careful, alright? It’s windy out by the beach.”

“Righto!” Jake gave a nervous laugh and patted his hat. “Well uh, after that spot of excitement, I think I’ll be heading home now, thank you again, Eridan!”

Eridan grunted some answer as Jake and Jade left. Dirk offered him back his clothes once they were gone.

“That was some sick swimming,” He said. Eridan went stiff for a moment, then laughed and shook his head.

“What’re you talkin about, Strider? That’s totally average. You don’t gotta be layin the flattery on that thick.”

Dirk didn’t answer as Eridan busied himself tying his scarf. He couldn’t tell if Eridan was being serious or just **extremely** modest. Either way, Dirk made a mental reminder to step up his swimming skills. If that was even double the “normal” swimming skill of humans, he had some catching up to do.

“Surprise!” Jane appeared, holding two steaming paper cups. Roxy was behind her with a plate of sweets. “How about some hot cider after that show of heroics?”

The four of them moved over to the fire and settled down to chat. Dirk eyed the fire, but it didn’t look like any sparks were in danger of landing near him.

“So, was that hat special to Jake or somethin?” Eridan asked.

“Something like that,” Dirk answered. Eridan apparently wasn’t too curious, because he just shrugged and went back to his drink.

“I can’t believe you managed to get it back!” Jane commented. “It’s pitch dark out there!” She paused, then shot Dirk a look, cocking an eyebrow. Dirk shook his head very slightly. Ever since Jane had found him out, she had come to him about several others to ask if they were vampires. To his impressed surprise, she had been right a few times.

Eridan wasn’t, though. Dirk found himself kind of wishing he was. It could make courting him a lot easier. Then again, it could also have made it much harder, depending on his alliances-

He shook his head. No need to ruminate on it. Eridan was as human as Roxy and Jane were. The question was, how would he react to knowing Dirk wasn’t?

Dirk watched Eridan out of the corner of his eye behind his glasses. Eridan was sipping his drink carefully, wincing when it burnt his tongue.

Part of the reason Dirk didn’t want to tell Eridan was because he had seen what Eridan was capable of. It wasn’t every day someone gave Roxy a run for her money with firearms, and Dirk had learned from a barfight a year back that Eridan wasn’t just brutal in a fight, he was berserk and deadly. A drunk guy had thrown a glass at Roxy for rejecting him. What followed was something that involved an ambulance, two police cars, and Dirk, Roxy, and Jane having to manually pull Eridan off. What had startled Dirk wasn’t just the sheer rage Eridan had shown, it was that even as angry as he was, he wasn’t sloppy. He reliably went for the vitals and weak points with attacks from a style Dirk didn’t recognize. In addition, Eridan had sustained a bottle broken against his head, a kick in the stomach, a broken rib, and a split lip, but he hadn’t even seemed to notice until later when Jane and Roxy were fussing over him.

As much as Dirk admired these traits in Eridan, they were also what made him hesitant to risk telling him. He wondered whether, if it came down to it, Dirk would be able to fight him.

Right now though, they were drinking cider together, Roxy had just cracked a joke and Eridan was laughing again, and the fire was warm but not in danger of turning him into tinder.

They helped Jane clean up after the party. Dirk found himself folding the tables up with Eridan.

“So,” Dirk started as he clicked the table’s legs inward. Eridan looked up. “This was fun.” Eridan nodded and his mouth twitched into a smile. “So-” Dirk leaned in, “Would you like to do it again sometime?” Eridan gave him a blank look, then his eyes went wide.

“Y-Ya mean…” Eridan nearly dropped the table. “Like, a date?”

“Yeah, man.” Dirk nodded. Damn, how could Eridan go from badass to adorable in such a short time? “If you’re interested.”

“I- Yeah!” Eridan nodded so hard his glasses almost came off. “Yeah that, that’d be- yeah!”

“Cool.” Dirk offered a soft grin as he set the table with the others. “See you around then.”

“Yeah I-” Eridan returned the grin. “Sounds great.”

Dirk nodded goodbye and went striding off toward the street. Roxy sidled up to Eridan as he left, a wide smirk on her lips.

“Oh my God,” Eridan whispered, then his voice rose in volume. “Oh my God, oh my God, by the **tides** Rox he just asked me out!”

“He diiiiiid!” Roxy looped an arm around his neck. “See?? This is going great!”

“Eaaaghhh…” Eridan covered his face with his hands. “Shit, Rox, what’m I gonna wear?? Where do you think we’ll end up going?” Roxy chuckled.

“Probably dinner. Let him think of a good place.”

 

000

 

timeausTestified began pestering tipsyGnostalgic

 

TT: Roxy what’s a good restaurant I can take Eridan to that doesn’t have garlic?

TG: hmmmm

TG: how bout sushi? ;)

TG: You liek japanese food rite? and eri lieks fish. theres a good place down the street from the video game store

TT: You mean “Damara’s”?

TG: ye that one

TT: Sounds good.

TG: wear somethin nice ;3c

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For being part of a race known for their seduction, Eridan's not too great at this.
> 
> Both Eridan and Dirk CAN consume milk and other dairy products, if they want. Eridan just thinks it's gross. He'll eat cake but like, he's not gonna drink milk straight out of the bottle. That's gross.  
> Dirk mostly eats blood meat and fruit, as bats do. He's not a fan of bugs.


	2. Fish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dirk and Eridan go out for sushi, Feferi and Kanaya show up, and barbecue sauce is consumed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vampires have no reflection.

“Ok so, last time I tried dating a human,” Eridan raised his finger, his chin resting on his other arm. His tail lazed around in the water as he lay halfway out of the hatch in his house. “Her name was Vriska. She was awful, but in a badass way. We had some fun together, but eventually she decided she was tired of me, tried to sell me to someone.”

“Holy shit.” Roxy tossed him some saltwater taffy. “What a bitch. Dirk would never do that, though.”

“I…probably but-” Eridan bit his lip, “You understand why I wanna be careful, ya know?”

“Ye, ye.” She popped her own bit of candy into her mouth. “It getcha. Once bitten, twice shy.”

“Dirk’s nice, he’s amazin, but he’s also like,” Eridan made a vague gesture in the air, “Sciency, ya know? And that’s cool, science is fuckin awesome, but I don’t wanna end up on some table, ya know?” Roxy sighed and nodded.

“Ye, I getcha.”

“…Dirk’s not awful,” Eridan murmured. His finger ran over the floor, tracing patterns with the water. “He’s badass, but not awful. I used to think you were either strong and ruthless, or kind and weak. Course, then I met you, Rox.” Roxy hummed in approval. Eridan raised his head to look at her. “Dirk, he’s strong, and he can be ruthless, but he’s also good, an’ that’s a rare thing to be.”

“Daw.” Roxy leaned over and ruffled his hair. “Alright, enough fawnin. You should get ready, ye?” Eridan perked up.

“R-Right!” He pulled himself up out of the water. “What do you think about my black knee-length skirt? Is that too plain?”

“It’ll be fine, Eri.”

“I don’t wanna be _fine_ ,” He huffed, I wanna be…gorgeous! Iridescent! Stunnin!”

“You’ll be alla those things. Wear the damn skirt.”

 

000

 

“This is a nice place,” Eridan commented. Dirk nodded in response. Japanese-style paintings and decorations decorated the dimly lit area. A fish tank was off to one side near the entrance. The chefs worked diligently and quickly, creating decorative meals out of fish, vegetables, and rice.

“Best Japanese in the city,” Dirk said, “Maybe even the state. Definitely the most authentic.”

Eridan was always very fashionable, but he had dressed up even more for the date. He was wearing a low-cut black shirt and a black skirt. A violet scarf, some jewelry, and his make-up provided splashes of color. Dirk tried not to feel underdressed in his button-up and black pants.

A waitress arrived at their table, and Dirk was surprised to see it was the owner, Damara herself. She glared down at the two of them. Her knee-length shining black hair was tied up in a neat bun. The light was too dim for humans to see, but Dirk could make out the barbed needles at the end of the strands.

One couldn’t get more authentic than a restaurant run by a Harionago.

Dirk, she was acquainted with, but she scrutinized every inch of Eridan. Eridan, to his credit, returned the look evenly, his expression going from calm to defiant as the gaze lasted longer than any social norm.

“Welcome,” She finally spoke, “Order?”

Eridan started, “I’ll have a seaweed salad, two orders of sake sashimi, and one order of tuna sashimi. Also a water.” He pointed to the glass of water he already had. It was almost empty, so Damara refilled it. “Like, another one, on top of this one.” He faltered, then his eyes flickered over to Dirk. “…And, um,” He let his hand rest on the table. “A…Shirley Temple?” Damara grunted and jotted down the order, then looked at Dirk.

“You?”

“Chicken katsu, toro sashimi.” Dirk handed her the menu. Damara took it, but didn’t leave just yet.

“<He speak Japanese?>” She asked Dirk. Eridan blinked and gave her a confused look.

“What did she say?”

“She wanted to know if you spoke Japanese,” Dirk explained, then answered Damara. “<I don’t think so.>” Damara snorted and eyed Eridan once more.

“<Prostitute?>” Dirk scowled.

“<No.>”

“<Meal?>”

“<No. A date.>”

“<Human?>” She asked. Dirk nodded.

“<Yes.>” Damara hummed and examined Eridan once more. He squirmed a bit under the gaze. Finally, she nodded and left to go log in the orders.

“Don’t mind Damara,” Dirk told him. “She can be a little gruff, but she’s cool.”

“She wasn’t being disdainful a me, was she?” Eridan tugged at his collar. “Sometimes people are weirded out, I guess cause I wear skirts an’ dresses or somethin?”

“Those guys are assholes,” Dirk answered, “And Damara isn’t like that. I think she was just curious about you, cause she knows me.”

“Huh.” Eridan took a gulp of water, draining a third of it in one go. “What was she sayin?”

“Basically, she just wanted to figure out if you were my date.” Eridan blushed a little and ducked his head again, a habit which Dirk was starting to find increasingly cute. He took another sip of water, this time bringing it to the halfway mark. Dirk frowned. He knew humans needed more water than vampires, but it was more than he had thought.

It probably wasn’t noticeable, but better safe than sorry. Dirk took his own glass and chugged it, taking it down to half its level as well. When he lowered the glass, he found Eridan staring at him, looking oddly pleased and almost relieved, though he was trying to hide it.

 _“Good call, then.”_ Dirk tapped his finger against the glass and resolved to match Eridan’s drinking rate for the evening.

Forty-five minutes and six glasses of water later, he was severely coming to regret that decision. He felt like he was going to die. Garlic or wooden stakes wouldn’t be what got him, it was going to be a million glasses of water and a very cute date. He couldn’t even go to the bathroom. There were mirrors there, and all it would take is another person to walk in, notice, scream, etc.

Dirk forced his attention away from his protesting stomach to look at Eridan. He was staring at the fish in the tank.

“They’re well-cared for,” Eridan said suddenly, “The fish. The species are compatible. Good filtration and environment.

“Huh.” Dirk examined the tank as well. “Good to know.” He drummed his fingers against the table. “I actually used to live out on an island for a few years.” About a hundred, but that detail didn’t need to be known. “I would go diving a lot. There were some pretty interesting fish.” Eridan perked up a little.

“What kinds did you see? Where were you?”

“Atlantic, off the coast of Texas.” Dirk leaned back, searching around through his memories. “A few sharks, blues, makos, hammerheads, saw a whaleshark once.” He shrugged. “There were a lot of fish, but I didn’t know the names of them. I’d-” Dirk paused, then went on, “Hunt and eat a few of them.”

“Huh,” Eridan rubbed his chin, “Without knownin what’s poisonous? That’s risky.”

“I knew what wouldn’t kill me,” Dirk answered vaguely. “I remember there was this one kind of fish,” He spread her arms out, then mimed a large head at one end. “It was bright blue and yellow, with a fin going down its back, and a square head.” Eridan’s eyes went wide.

“A mahi-mahi?” He gasped. Dirk blinked.

“Sure? Shit, they aren’t endangered, are they? I’d see them all the time-”

“Nah, they ain’t. Just-” Eridan shook his head. “How’d you catch it? A team? Fishing line?”

“Nope,” Dirk leaned in, his face deadpan serious, “I caught it in the water with my bare hands and sunk my teeth into it, holding on as it thrashed and struggled, draining its blood until it died.” He then quirked a smile, as if he hadn’t told the complete truth, and picked the cherry off Eridan’s Shirley Temple and popped it in his mouth. To his surprise, Eridan seemed to believe him, because he nodded along with an impressed expression.

“That’s a pretty good way to go about it, to be honest.” Eridan flashed a smile, and Dirk noticed the points of his teeth glinting in the light. Dirk ran his tongue over his own sharp fangs.

 _“Guess they aren’t as noticeable as I thought.”_ Dirk coughed and reached for his water. “You interested in dessert?”

 

000

 

Eridan was relieved Dirk had eaten the cherry. Roxy always ate hers, so he was worried it would look weird if he didn’t. He had also been feeling self-conscious about how much water he’d been drinking, which had prompted him to order the sugary drink in the first place. Dirk was drinking almost as much as he was though, so it probably wasn’t a problem.

They decided to forgo dessert and, after the bill was paid, they headed out into the evening air.

“Walk you home?” Dirk offered. Eridan smiled and ducked his head, tickled by the kindness.

“How about to Prince Street?” Eridan suggested. “That’s when our paths split off, right?” Dirk nodded.

“Sure.”

Eridan had to resist a stupid grin from crawling across his face as they walked down the street. He couldn’t remember a time a date had gone so smoothly. It hadn’t felt weird, it had been perfectly comfortable.

He really wanted this to work. Maybe Roxy was right, and he didn’t have anything to worry about. It really would be nice, if she was.

He paused to look at a pair of shoes on display behind a storefront window. They were a gorgeous dark violet with black bows. He examined their quality and size. It might look good with his lavender dress. He caught site of his reflection in the window and took a minute to adjust his hair as well, then leaned back to get a few of him and Dirk standing together.

There was no one behind him.

“Eridan, hey.” Eridan whirled around and spotted Dirk a ways up the street, hands dug into his pockets and turned back to look at him.

“C’mon, might end up leaving you behind.” His tone was obviously joking. Eridan grinned and jogged forward after him.

 

000

 

It was pretty overcast today. Dirk walked down the sidewalk, hands dug into his pockets and enjoying the day for once. He rubbed his chin and scanned the street. He had been thinking of trying out the new Thai place down the street, but a specific kind of hunger had flared up in him this morning, one that wouldn’t be sated with human food. He would have to drink soon.

Roxy had a martial arts tournament in a few days. She would insist it would be fine, but she needed to be in top position. Jane also had a big meeting coming up and would be pushing herself to prepare. Rose might be free, but, with her interest in spellcraft, she had the habit of asking for his own blood, or teeth, in return. Not to mention, she might have provided for Kanaya recently.

A soft sound drifting through the air snapped him out of his thoughts. Someone was singing. Someone was singing **really well**. Was it a performance?

Dirk found himself walking faster, cutting through an alleyway and hopping a fence to trace the sound of the voice. As the sound grew louder, he walked faster, overcome with an odd desperation to get to the source of the music.

He rounded a corner and stopped dead, as if his feet had been rooted into the cement.

“Hm, hmm…darling don’t tell me…” Eridan sang the tune to himself as he skipped down the street. “Darling don’t tell me, you’re in love~” He shimmied to the side and swung his arms out, popping his hips a bit. “Darling I’ll hurt you, you know I’ll hurt you, so don’t tell me you’re in love…”

Dirk felt electricity running up from his feet through his body. He couldn’t take his eyes off Eridan. Eridan was cute, beautiful, and sexy, Dirk had already established on that. But right now, he was irresistible. Every movement, twitch, and note from his voice was driving Dirk mad. He was just about ready to nail Eridan right on this street, if he was into it.

Then Eridan looked up and caught site of Dirk. His eyes went wide and his voice died in his throat. Dirk blinked, then shook his head.

 _“That’s new.”_   He rubbed his head as the fog in him mind cleared. Was that a reaction of his bloodlust mixed with his attraction to Eridan? Maybe he was hungrier than he thought.

“How long were you standin there?!” Eridan yelped. He looked mortified, blushing all the way up to his ears. Dirk rubbed his face with one hand while raising his other to calm him.

“Sorry, I just got here, and uh…” He dropped his hand away from his face. “You’ve got, some awesome pipes, man.” Eridan’s eyebrows drew together.

“Pipes?”

“Your singing. It’s really good.”

“Uh!” Eridan shook his head violently, “No! No no it ain’t, really!”

“Dude.”

“It ain’t! Forget it! Forget you heard anything! Anyways!” Eridan clapped his hands together, loudly. “I’m uh, on my way to meet a friend. W-Wanna come along?” He paused, then coughed and ducked his head. “She’s uh, actually been dyin to meet ya.” Dirk blinked, then dug his hands into his pockets.

“Yeah, su-”

“It’s this way!” Eridan grabbed his arm and yanked him down the street. Dirk quickly swivled around to match his step. Eridan was already talking a mile-a-minute; apparently he was really embarrassed about the singing thing.

“Her name’s Feferi, we’ve known each other since we were kids. She can be a bit overbearin ‘n over-excitable and stuff but she’s real nice. Don’t be intimidated, she’ll like ya no matter what, probably.”

“Uh-huh.” Dirk’s focus turned to Eridan’s accent. Dirk had been all over the world, but he’d never heard anything quite like Eridan’s. It was swooping and warbling in a way that made him think of the ocean, and his vocabulary made Dirk think of both the old nobility and a salt-hardened sailor.

“She said she had somethin to show me, but she wouldn’t tell me what it was. Probably a dog or somethin. She loves animals.”

“Who doesn’t?” Dirk caught someone out of the corner of his eye and he stopped. Eridan stopped as well and followed his gaze to the person approaching them. A young woman with dark brown skin, and straight black hair styled upwards. Her bright red skirt swished as she moved toward them with a subtle, elegant grace.

“Eridan,” Kanaya nodded hello to them, “And Dirk, good afternoon.”

“Hey Kan,” Eridan answered with a touch of surprise. “You know Dirk?”

“Yeah,” Dirk answered as his gaze caught the point of Kanaya’s fang, just barely sticking out from her lips. “She’s dating Roxy’s sister, so we run into each other now and then.”

Kanaya was another subspecies of vampire, one that was unaffected by the sunlight. He supposed it wasn’t surprising that Eridan would know a mutual friend of the Lalondes, but Dirk was starting to wonder if Roxy was Eridan’s only human friend.

“I was just picking up some supplies.” Kanaya raised the bag on her arm to show the bolts of cloth inside. She ran a high-quality clothing store. Her gaze moved to the way Eridan’s arm was linked with Dirk’s. “And you two…?”

“Just heading to the beach to meet with Fef!” Eridan chirped, and his hold on Dirk tightened a little as his chest puffed out. Dirk couldn’t help his mouth twitching up at that. Kanaya’s face remained serenely placid.

“I see.” She then looked at Dirk and gave him The Look. The special way she met his eyes, looked at Eridan, then back at Dirk to raise an eyebrow. Dirk shook his head very slightly. Eridan wasn’t his next meal. Kanaya knew that wasn’t how he operated, but he supposed it never hurt to check.

“Well then,” Kanaya straightened up, suddenly appearing more relaxed, “I hope you two enjoy yourselves, then.” She offered a short bow, then passed them to go on her way.

“I model for her, sometimes,” Eridan said. He ducked his head and scratched his cheek. “Uh, just mentioning.”

“You’re definitely pretty enough for it,” Dirk answered easily. It got the desired effect of making Eridan’s cheeks glow. Dirk looped his arm around his shoulder. “The beach, right?”

 

000

 

“ERIFIN!” Feferi, a tall girl with the same tan complexion as Eridan, a smattering of freckles, and an untamed mass of curly brown hair, leapt forward and clapped her hands, her eyes sparkling in excitement. “You’re fin-ally here!” Her gaze flickered to Dirk. “And who’s this?”

“This is Dirk,” Eridan started, “He-” He was cut off by a wild shriek of delight as Feferi jerked up straight and slapped her hands against her cheeks.

“ **This** is Dirk?? The Dirk you told me about?!”

“Uh,” Eridan’s face flushed, “Yeah. He-”

“Hmmm!” Feferi circled around Dirk like a shark, eyeing him up and down. Dirk stood obediently still under the scrutiny. “Pretty big! Looks healthy despite being so **pale**! Gee…”

“Fef!” Eridan hissed, absolutely mortified.

“Can he swim?” She reached up toward his glasses. “Water these for??” Dirk leaned away from her hands.

“Sorry, no touching the shades.”

“Oooo!” Her hand was on his neck faster than he expected. He slid back and tapped her hand away. “What a voice! Can he-” Her voice lowered into a hushed seriousness. “Can he **sing**? He **has** to be able to-”

“ **Fef**.” Eridan voice cut into her examination. “Did you uh, have something to show me?”

“Oh yeah!” Her eyes lit up and she shoved her hand into her back. “Check this out!” She pulled out a bottle of thick dark liquid.

“It’s called barbecue sauce!” She gushed. “And it’s just amazing! You have to try some!”

Dirk quirked an eyebrow and looked over at Eridan.

“Uh-” Eridan scratched at his neck as his eyes darted around. “Fef and I, uh, grew up kind of…isolated? So, a lot a stuff is new to us.”

“Oh.” Dirk answered and nodded. He knew that feeling, though his came more from living on an island while human advancement passed him by, then stumbling into it almost blind. He doubted Eridan and Feferi had had an experience like that.

“So I just caught these!” She indicated a woven basket sitting on the beach, which was stacked with fresh fish. “And I thought we could put some of this on and-” She broke off, then her gaze slid back over to Dirk. Her eyes widened as if just realizing something. “Er,” Her gaze darted back to the fish, “I mean, we could, cook, them?” She looked to Eridan for agreement. “We cook them, right?” Eridan nodded quickly.

“Yeah! Course. Uh-” He looked around, scanning the beach.

“We could roast them?” Dirk suggested, “Make a fire on the beach?”

“Shore!” Feferi clapped her hands together and bobbed her head. “We should ro…roast them! That sounds great.”

“I’ll find some wood!” Eridan declared before jogging off toward the dunes for some twigs. Feferi dogged after him. Dirk went off and found some straight sturdy twigs they could use for spearing the fish. He then dug a shallow hole, which Eridan and Feferi dumped in any wood they could find, ranging from small twigs to some old plywood. The three of them sat around the hole for a few seconds, staring at it.

“…Anyone have a lighter?” Dirk asked. Feferi glanced at Eridan, who shook his head. “Alright,” Dirk looked down at the woodpile. “I could probably start one without one. We’d need some bark, and tinder…”

“Tinder?” Feferi echoed. Dirk made a wiggling motion with his fingers.

“Light fluffy stuff, like dry leaves or grass.” Dirk picked through the pile and drew out a few pieces. “These should work.”

Dirk generally tried to avoid fire, but it came in handy from time to time, so he’d learned to make it. He demonstrated twisting the stick against the bark fast enough so that a wisp of smoke rose up. Both Eridan and Feferi gasped in amazement. Later, when the fire was rising to a lively crackle, Feferi reached over and picked up one of the burning sticks. She peered at it, then yelped and dropped it as the flame came a little too close to her fingers. Dirk didn’t say anything, but he couldn’t help wondering just where exactly they were from.

Dirk set some of the fish up to cook, then showed the two of them how to turn them around for an even roast, then the three of them sat back to wait.

Feferi shot Eridan a coy look, which he didn’t notice on account of watching the fire. She brushed her hair back and began to hum to herself, twisting one of the fish around the fire.

Dirk felt a rising tingling moving through his chest. His gaze traveled upwards to Eridan and, yeah, Dirk definitely wanted to do, _something_ with him. He dug his fingers into his knees to try and distract the feeling. He couldn’t stop thinking about the edges and curves under Eridan’s clothes, the smooth surface of his skin and the delicate features of his face.

Eridan glanced over at Feferi, and his eyes bugged out before his hand whipped out to swat her on the arm.

“Fef!” He hissed, “Cut’t out!” She stopped humming to roll her eyes playfully at him.

“What’s wrong, Erifin?”

“You **know** what…” Eridan looked over at Dirk and fell silent. Dirk was too busy blinking the fuzz out of his brain to make much of it.

“The fish are ready,” Dirk said. They were in danger of burning, actually. Did the time pass that quickly? He pulled them away from the fire and offered one to each person, steadfastly avoiding looking Eridan in the eye.

Feferi slathered a generous amount of barbecue sauce on her own fish before doing the same for Eridan. She then offered it to Dirk, who put a more modest amount on. Feferi then dug her teeth into the meat, only to yelp and jerk back a second later.

“It’s hot,” Dirk warned her belatedly. She blinked, then laughed.

“Oh, yeah, of course!” She then began to nibble at it more carefully. Dirk sunk his teeth into his own, letting the juices flow into his mouth.

“Isn’t it great??” Feferi gushed to Eridan once he had taken a few bites. “Whale??”

“It’s alright,” Eridan grunted back.

“I could put it on everyfin!”

“Whale?” Dirk echoed. “Fin?” At first he had thought it had been part of her accent, but he was starting to see a pattern now. Feferi snickered while Eridan rolled his eyes.

“She likes puns a lot,” He explained, “Specifically, fish and ocean puns. Been doin it since we were kids.”

“It’s fun!” Feferi countered. “Erifin used to do it with me but he won’t anymore.” She pouted at Eridan, who ignored her.

“It was the full moon, yesterday,” He mentioned. “Made the tides really high.” Dirk’s eyebrows drew together.

“You live near the water, right? Were you ok?” Eridan chuckled and waved him off.

“Yeah, don’t worry ‘bout me. I like it when the tides are high. Like the ocean tryin to swallow the land.”

“I guess,” Dirk shrugged, “Interesting stuff washes up sometimes after high tide.”

“More like trash,” Eridan grumbled and took another bite of fish, “Well, if it’s washin up its out a the ocean, for now.”

“Oh!” Feferi clapped her hands together. “How about next time the tide is high we clean up some litter that washes up!”

“Whatever we clean up, a hundred times the amount is gonna be dumped in somewhere else,” Eridan complained.

“Worth a shot, though,” Dirk shot back, if only to cheer him up. “Some progress is better than none.”

“Then it’s a date!” Feferi clapped her hands together with a look of gleeful excitement. “We’ll meet up on the dark moon!”

“Dark moon?” Dirk asked.

“New moon,” Eridan corrected her, “When the moon is gone.”

“Oh yeah! That!” Feferi’s face fell into a frown. “Ugh, but that won’t be for pike, fourteen more days!”

“It ain’t that long, Fef.”

“It is too! It’s so much tide!”

“Well,” Dirk started, “I guess you could say its-” He spread his hands out, “-A waves away?” The silence he received back was less than encouraging. Feferi looked delighted. Eridan looked horrified.

“Ohh…” Feferi leaned toward Eridan to whisper. “He’s a kelper.” Eridan groaned and let his head fall back while Feferi laughed.

 

000

 

CA: and then she started singing! it was in THAT tone too

CA: the uh

CA: arousin one

TG: lol wow

CA: she said she was tryin to help but she KNOWS you cant seduce someone like that into a proper relationship

TG: pft sounds pretty embarassin

CA: it was

CA: she probably thinks i cant hook dirk myself

CA: i dunno

CA: maybe shes right

TG: aw eri u know thats not it

CA: i dunno rox

CA: hes just so cool

TG: so r u eri

TG: you got this

CA: yeah

CA: yeah youre right

CA: i just gotta get some charm down

TG: thats the spirit

CA: i can be seductive its in my blood

CA: by the way did you know i have delicious blood

TG: i know eri

CA: kan said so

TG: i know

CA: she said its exquisite

TG: ye eri

TG: u should tell dirk that

CA: what no thatd be weird

CA: what the hell kinda conversation would that be that i have delicious blood

TG: a v interestin one

CA: nah im gonna turn to better methods

CA: wardrobe

 

000

 

GA: Are Dirk And Eridan Presently Seeing Each Other In A Romantic Sense

TT: I believe they are, if my sister is to be trusted.

GA: Oh My

TT: Is that reason for concern, dear?

GA: Not Especially

GA: Its Just

TT: Just what?

GA: I Dont Think They Know

GA: About Each Other

TT: Oh.

TT: Yes, I think you’re right.

TT: How entertaining. We seem to be experiencing a situation rich with dramatic irony.

TT: Roxy hasn’t told them, because it would be breaking her oath.

TT: You know the one.

GA: I Could Inform Them

TT: Please don’t. It would ruin my dear sister’s fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harionago: A yokai that looks like a beautiful woman. Her hair can hook and stab people.  
> Yeah, Damara doesn't get much trouble at her restaurant. She probably has the sneaking suspicion Eridan is NOT human but like, that ain't her business.
> 
> Feferi does not understand personal space.


	3. Multiculturalism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eridan utilizes his wardrobe as well as his voice, Dirk doesn't QUITE lose it, and Jake totally fucking loses it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for more poorly hidden secrets.

Eridan did a little spin in front of the mirror. His high-waisted indigo skirt flared out around him, dancing around his black stockings. He carefully buttoned up his cropped violet jacket and straightened his black blouse. He leaned into the mirror to make sure his earrings and make-up were right, then with a nod of approval, he headed toward the door.

He slipped on a pair of black shoes with a modest heel. It had taken him months to get the hang of using his legs with these on, but he decided it was worth it. Who needed a magical voice when you could look this goddamn fantastic?

Hopefully Dirk would agree.

He stepped outside. It was a cloudy afternoon, which matched his darker color palette quite well. He felt like Dirk was more comfortable in overcast skies too, less likely to duck into alleys or stores to get away from the sunlight.

He stepped onto the sidewalk and began the walk straight to where he was meeting Dirk. Almost there, he heard a sharp whistle and glanced over his shoulder. He paused a beat, then turned to look.

“Sweet beauty!” A man who appeared to be in his twenties, with a poorly styled stubble and a cigarette sticking out of his mouth, clapped his hands in an exaggerated motion, moving toward Eridan. “You’ve got a fine look today!” He leered him up and down with hungry eyes and a wide grin spread across his mouth. “Where’re you headed, sweetie? Why not come home with me?”

Eridan’s expression turned into one of stormy rage and indignation as the man’s friends cheered and hooted from the sidelines. No murder. Murder attracted attention. Eridan took a deep breath before breaking into a sharp smile.

“Oh darling,” He drawled, pitching his voice juuuust so. The man’s eyes flickered and clouded over as his arms dropped to his sides. Eridan’s smile widened and he flicked a finger at the trashcan nearby. “Why don’t you toss your head into that waste receptacle, hm?” The man moved forward to go stumbling toward the trashcan. Eridan turned and continued on his way down the street, listening to the shouts of alarm from the man’s friends mixed with the sound of trash being shoved and crunched around.

Dirk was leaning up against the wall of a building, talking to Dave. Dave noticed Eridan first and pointed to direct Dirk’s attention. Dirk turned, and upon catching sight of Eridan, his hands, which had been in the middle of some gesture, dropped to his sides. Eridan stopped, letting Dirk get a good look. It was different than the way the man had looked at him. Dirk’s gaze was, intense, but not leering. He stayed where he was, and his posture was non-aggressive. Not to mention Dirk wasn’t some stranger off the street.

“…Whoa,” Dirk finally said. Eridan beamed, satisfied with the results.

“That sounds like my cue,” Dave said as he backed up, raising his hands as if in surrender. “Alright, you kiddos have fun.” He paused, then shot Eridan a deadpan look. “And you have him back by 8, young man.” Eridan gave him a blank look. He felt like he was probably referencing something that Eridan hadn’t caught.

“Don’t mind him,” Dirk said as a way of explanation. He looped an arm around Eridan’s shoulders as they began to walk together down the path. “Is there some special occasion today?”

“Oh, not really.” Eridan brushed a lock of hair out of his face. “Just kinda felt like it, ya know?”

“You look stunning.” Eridan laughed and waved off the comment, though he was secretly giddy inside.

“Fashion is an interest a mine.” His gaze slid over to Dirk. “You should let me dress you sometime.” He lightly poked his shirt. “You look good in anythin, honestly, but no harm in playin around.” Dirk hummed in response.

“Did you have anything in mind?”

“Well,” Eridan tapped his chin and grinned, “Somethin silk, maybe. Simple, but not plain. Maybe a little decoration. Some jewelry. And a course it should show off that form a yours.”

“You’ve thought about this,” Dirk commented. Eridan shrugged.

“Maybe a little.”

“Dressing me with your eyes, were you?” Eridan chuckled and looped his arm around Dirk’s waist.

“Just a little.” Eridan glanced up at him, then down at himself. His eyes lit up as they landed on the gold bracelets around his wrist.

“These would look good on you!” He declared and pulled them off before holding them up for Dirk to see. Dirk stared down at them.

“You think?”

“Yeah!” He shoved them up toward Dirk’s face and his eyes lit up in excitement. “Here, take’em. They’re my gift to you.” Dirk didn’t answer, and he didn’t make any movement to take them. Eridan felt anxiety drop a pit in his stomach.

“They’re real gold,” Eridan pressed, “Not plated.”

“Eridan,” Dirk reached up, but instead of taking the bracelets, he took ahold of Eridan’s wrist, “I appreciate it, but it’s cool. Those are yours, so you should wear them.” He cocked his head to the side and offered a faint smirk. “Besides, they look better on you than me.”

He slipped the bracelet back onto Eridan’s wrist. Eridan stared at the jewelry blankly. Dirk frowned.

“Eridan?”

Eridan bit his lip to compose himself. Merfolk had two main courting rituals. One was more used for catching prey, and it involved passively attracting attention through beauty and flirtatious looks. The second method was gifting. In the ocean, bringing treasures that were either sparkly or delicious were the usual ones. Eridan knew that humans appreciated gifts, he had learned about people buying jewelry and expensive dinners for their partner.

Was he doing something wrong? Roxy had told him it could be complicated. Was Dirk offended?

“Eridan,” Dirk rested both his hands on his shoulder, “It’s ok, don’t worry about it.” Eridan nodded, staring at the ground. He tried to tell himself it wasn’t anything major, but part of him was screaming rejection.

“Sorry if that was too…forward?” He said. “I just thought it’d suit ya. Go with the shirt you’re wearing, and…” He frowned, then chanced a look back up at his face. “What color are your eyes, anyways?” As soon as he said it he felt a rush of embarrassment. How could he **not** know that by now? But Dirk always wore those shades.

Dirk didn’t answer at first, and Eridan hurried to recover.

“I mean, you don’t gotta tell me if you don’t wanna. I was just thinkin, in terms a outfits.”

Dirk hesitated, then stepped backwards into the alleyway, gesturing Eridan to follow him. Eridan stepped into the alleyway after him, glancing around as he did so, then quirked an eyebrow at Dirk.

“You afraid of someone seeing?”

“My eyes are really sensitive to the light,” Dirk reached up to grab his glasses, “Also, yeah.” He pulled them off, then opened his eyes.

Eridan sucked in a breath of air. Dirk’s eyes shone bright amber in the dim light. Laced with bolts of red and gold, they shone with a bright, almost hypnotic intensity.

“Wow,” Eridan breathed. He didn’t know humans could have eyes like that.

Dirk didn’t say anything. He tucked his glasses into his shirt, then reached up to cup Eridan’s face between his hands. Eridan’s hands went up to rest against Dirk’s hips.

Dirk leaned forward to kiss him. His lips were cool and soft. Eridan’s eyes fluttered shut as he pushed back, sliding his hands forward to wrap around his waist. Dirk’s fingers began to knit through his hair, moving in relaxing motions. Eridan melted into him, breaking away from the kiss to sigh against his neck. Dirk chuckled and rested his hands on his neck.

“You smell nice,” He murmured against Eridan’s ear. Eridan grinned.

“I’m wearin some cologne.”

“Yeah, but under that, your natural scent.” Eridan giggled as he leaned away from him.

“Ya think?”

“Definitely.”

“You really are a charmer, ain’t ya?” Eridan murmured as he turned back to the street. “We should keep goin. Hangin around in the shadows here might lead to-” His hand drifted out to the side, and he didn’t see the jagged metal of a trashcan until a sharp spike of pain shot through his hand. He winced and yanked his hand back, holding it out to glare at the small smear of blood rising out of his palm. “Aw Hell.” He held it away from him, worried about it dripping on his outfit. Right, human blood was red. It was a little creepy to watch it coming out of his own hand. He shuffled through his bag for a napkin or tissue. “Dirk, do you have-” He glanced over his shoulder. “Dirk?”

Dirk was still standing in the same place. His posture had gone rigid, shoulders tense and hands hovering at his sides. His gaze was fixed on Eridan’s hand.

Eridan didn’t even think he was breathing.

“Dirk??” Eridan shifted around so his hand was behind his back. “Are, Are you ok?” Dirk nodded very slowly. Eridan’s eyebrows knit together. Was Dirk afraid of blood? He didn’t seem like the type.

“Well uh,” Eridan glanced back down at his hand, “I’m just gonna-”

Dirk walked forward. His steps still held that same rigid stiffness that was unusual of him. He reached out and grasped Eridan’s wrist, raising it up to look down at the wound. Eridan wondered how he had never noticed Dirk’s eyes before, because right now they were shining bright enough to be visible through his shades. He held Eridan’s wrist almost tight enough to be uncomfortable.

“It’s…just a scratch.” Eridan mentioned offhandedly. Dirk didn’t let go. For a second, he seemed to be conflicted over something, then, without taking his eyes off the cut, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. He pressed it over the cut, then wrapped it around Eridan’s hand, trying it off.

“You should wash that,” He said with his usual cool tone. Eridan wasn’t sure why he answered with a burst of laughter.

“R, Right, thanks.” He glanced down the street. “The park has a water fountain, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Dirk dug his hands into his pockets. “There might be ducks, too. Wanna feed them? There’s a bakery nearby that sells day-old stuff cheap.”

Eridan nodded and let Dirk direct them to the store. The tension he had felt in the air was fading. He wasn’t sure what that had been about. Maybe humans were more sensitive around blood? He would have to ask Roxy later.

For now though, apparently they were going to go to the park and feed something called ducks.

 

000

 

Dirk skipped across the rooftops, hopping from ledge to ledge with casual ease. His attention was focused on the street below, and the large shadow streaking down it.

They were headed toward the beach. Dirk drove himself into a hard sprint, then kicked off the next ledge to glide down toward the shadow below.

He landed squarely on the shoulders of the creature’s furred back, slamming them into the pavement. They slid for a few feet, and Dirk hopped off as they came to a stop, landing in a fighter’s stance. The creature rose back up on all fours. It was a mass of bristling brown fur, claws, and snarling teeth. Emerald-green eyes, filled with wild fervor, glared at him in unrecognizing hatred.

“Jake,” Dirk kept his voice calm as he raised both hands, “It’s me. You need to calm down.” Jake lunged for him. Dirk skipped away from the attack, then glanced up at the sky. The full moon would hang in the sky for at least a few more hours, and he personally didn’t want the sun to be up when he was undoubtedly going to be carrying Jake back to his house and a worried Jade.

“Jake!” Dirk caught the scruff of his neck and wrestled him to the ground. “Calm down! Stop it!” Jake made a snap for his arm. Dirk grimaced and twisted his hold around. He wrapped one arm around Jake’s neck and pulled it tight. He had enough experience by now to be able to suffocate someone to unconsciousness, but not death.

Jake put up a good fight, though, tossing them both around the street for a while before he began to weaken. He fell to the ground, then began to shrink. Dirk stepped off him, watching as Jake faded back into human form. Ok, now he just had to-

“Dirk?”

His head snapped up. Eridan was standing in the middle of the road, arms hanging at his sides as he took in the scene with a bewildered expression.

Shit.

“Dirk? What-” His eyes fell on Jake and went wide. “Is- Is that Jake?”

Dirk didn’t know what else to say, “Yeah,” He hoisted Jake over his shoulder and stood up straight.

“Is he-” Eridan’s eyes narrowed as he scrutinized the limp form. “Is he dead?” Dirk wasn’t sure if he wasn’t serious about the question, or if he was just that calm about the possibility.

“No, just wiped out.” Dirk shifted his hold on him a bit. “I should get him to a bed or something-”

“Wait-” Eridan jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “My house is right down the street. We can drop him there. Looks like he’s got some scratches an’ stuff.”

Dirk was surprised he could see that in the dim light. Then again, it’s not like Dirk knew just **exactly** how shit humans were at seeing in the dark. He hesitated on the offer. It would be a real help, but it would also probably come with a lot of questions.

Still, Dirk was pretty sure rejecting the offer for no good reason could potentially come off as “hella rude,” and Jake did need some patching up.

Dirk nodded. “Thanks,” He said, “That’d be a big help actually.”

“It’s this way.” Eridan took a few steps over down the street, then glanced back at Dirk. “You uh, need help carryin him?”

“I’m good.” In his human form, Jake was practically light as a feather to Dirk. Eridan led the way down the street and to the beach, where a small house rested by a cliff over the water. They hiked across the sand and onto the dock. Eridan unlocked the door to let them in.

They were in a living room, painted white with a light blue trim. Seashells, ship parts, and other oceanic things decorated the area.

Dirk dumped Jake on the sofa while Eridan disappeared into another room. Dirk gave him a quick look-over to make sure he was still breathing, then flipped his phone out.

 

timeausTestified began pestering gardenGnostic

 

TT: Got him.

TT: He’s safe.

GG: where?!

GG: is he ok??

GG: is he hurt??

GG: what happened??

 

Dirk sighed and rubbed his face, tapping an answer out before she could think of any other questions.

 

TT: Eridan’s house.

TT: We fought. He changed back.

TT: He’s got some cuts and bruises but nothing bad.

GG: eridan’s house??

TT: Gonna wake up damn sore though.

TT: Yeah. I ran into him.

GG: does he know?!

TT: His house was closer, and he offered.

TT: No, Jake was changed back by the time he showed up.

 

“So what happened to him?” Dirk lowered the phone and turned around. Eridan had reappeared, holding a first aid kit. He peered at Jake quizzically. “Looks like he was mauled by somethin.”

“Something like that.” Dirk accepted the box. He looked at Jake, then back at Eridan. “Uh.” Eridan blinked.

“What?”

“Could you-” Dirk sighed, “Sorry, would you mind turning around?”

“Oh, uh,” Eridan shrugged and turned around, “Ok.”

“Thanks.” Dirk tugged Jake’s shirt over his head. It was more rags than clothing now, but he was still hesitant to just rip it apart. It looked like Jake didn’t have anything too serious. Maybe some cracked ribs at worst. Dirk cleaned and patched up what he could.

“Thanks for bringing us here,” Dirk spoke to Eridan as he worked. Eridan grunted in response.

“No problem. What were you two doin out so late anyways?”

“It’s a long story.”

“I’m free.”

“It’s-” Dirk hesitated, then sighed, “Sorry, it’s, something Jake might not want people to know a lot about. It’s a personal thing.” Eridan didn’t answer. Dirk shrugged. “Maybe, he’ll feel like explaining when he wakes up, but I shouldn’t be the one to divulge details.” Smooth, Strider. Foist this awkward interrogation off on Jake.

Eridan made a disgruntled noise, but didn’t push further. Dirk finished his work and wrestled Jake’s shirt back on. Jake stirred, then growled in his sleep. Dirk hopped backwards, hands hovering outward.

“Shit.”

“What?” Eridan stepped closer. “What is it?”

Jake growled, his lip curled back to reveal sharp canines. His hands twitched, then curled into a hooked shape, the fingernails growing thick and sharp.

“Jake,” Dirk reached out to gently shake his shoulder, “Hey, easy-” Jake jerked away from the touch and his growl raised in volume.

“He havin a nightmare?” Eridan sat down on the arm of the sofa, watching Jake twitch and snarl.

“Not exactly.”

Jake surged upwards, but Dirk saw it coming and had already lunged in to slam him back down. He heaved his weight onto him, watching Jake’s teeth growing and his hair starting to lengthen.

“Do you happen to have something tranquilizing?” Dirk asked, “Alcohol? Sleeping meds? Shit!” He grunted and shoved Jake down again. He was already wondering if he could pass this off to Eridan as a seizure or something.

Soft humming cut into his thoughts. Jake froze. Dirk raised his head to look at Eridan. He was humming a soft tune. After a few more notes, he began to sing. The words were in a language Dirk didn’t recognize, but the lilting melody was beautifully soothing.

Jake relaxed back into the sofa. He sighed outward, and his wolf characteristics faded. Soon he was breathing slowly in a deep sleep.

Eridan stopped singing. Dirk shook his head, then sat back.

“Whoa,” Dirk said. Eridan shrugged.

“Nothin impressive.”

“I’ll pay you back for this,” Dirk said suddenly, “This is a pretty sudden burden on you, so I’ll find a way to pay you back for it.”

“Psh,” Eridan waved him off, “Ain’t so much of a bother, and-” He hesitated, then coughed and looked away. “S’always nice to see you, even in weird circumstances.” Dirk’s mouth twitched upwards.

“I’ll try to make our next absurd and unexpected meeting a little more romantic.” Eridan chuckled at that.

“Yeah, maybe next time we-” The loud bang of a door crashing open interrupted him and their heads snapped around to the entrance. Jade stood there, feet spread apart and breathing heavily. She rushed over to Jake, and Dirk slipped back to let her through.

“Jake!” She shook him, but he was out cold. “Is he ok!?”

“Just sleepin.” Eridan cut in quickly. “He’ll be fine.”

“Ugh!” Jade thumped down on her butt. “Seriously! He only took half of his-” Her eyes flickered to Eridan. “-uh, medicine.”

“Aw Hell,” Dirk rubbed his forehead, “Why?”

“I don’t know!” She huffed and glared at Jake’s sleeping form. “He’s gonna get an earful from me when he wakes up!”

“Great,” Eridan closed the door, shooting Jade an annoyed look, “Can ya take your shoes off?”

“Oh, sure.” She kicked her sneakers off. “Thanks so much for letting Dirk take him to your house.” Eridan shrugged her off.

“I ain’t **that** much of an asshole.”

“Hmm…” Jade studied Jake’s face, poking and prodding at his neck and eyes, then looked up to give Eridan a pleading expression. “Could he stay here for the night? And me with him?”

“Huh? Uh-” Eridan’s eyes flickered to Dirk, then he shrugged. “Sure, ain’t usin that couch for anythin important tonight.” He yelped as Jade lunged forward to catch him in a tight hug.

“Thank you so much! You’re the best!”

“S-Sure, sure, whatever.” Eridan awkwardly patted her on the back as he shot Dirk a panicked look over her shoulder. Dirk just shrugged.

“Anyway, I was just gonna go to bed soon,” Eridan muttered as he backed out of her hug. “I’ve uh, got some spare blankets and-”

“Oh, I’m ok!” Jade said cheerfully. She took her glasses off and patted the floor. “This carpet is really soft!” Before Eridan could respond she had curled up beside the couch and closed her eyes.

“…Alright,” Eridan finally said, “That’s…cool, I guess.” He glanced around, then turned to Dirk. “So, uh, I got some, blankets and stuff…if you need them?”

“Right.” Dirk nodded. He felt rude making Eridan have to accommodate all of them under such short notice, but it would probably be ruder to ditch him with two people he didn’t know super well.

He followed Eridan to the closet. As Eridan was digging out some blankets, Dirk caught sight of the titles on Eridan’s bookshelf. “You a fan of history?” He guessed. Eridan followed his gaze and his face lit up.

“Oh, yeah!” He dropped the blankets into Dirk’s arms and strode over to the shelf to pull out one of the history books. “I just think it’s real interestin, and real useful to know.”

“That’s true.” Dirk joined Eridan as he sat down on the floor and laid the book out for them to see.

“I got this one about a month ago.” Eridan flipped to a page that showed a large map. “This is from the SBURB wars. You heard about them?” Dirk nodded.

“I know a bit about it.”

“They still don’t know how the Weiss kingdom and its allies managed to win. Everything was goin for Schwan’s side until that final decisive battle. It’s one a the big mysteries of history.” Eridan’s eyebrows drew together and he bit the inside of his cheek. “I wish I could know how they did it,” He murmured.

“I know how,” Dirk spoke up before he could think, and Eridan looked up at him in surprise.

“What? How??” Damn, what was it about Eridan that had Dirk jumping to speak before he could think? No way out now. Dirk cleared his throat and scooted forward a bit toward the book.

“There was a secret agreement,” He began and pointed to the city of Artens, “Secret trade routes and smuggling. The king was unaware, and his council looked the other way because they were reaping a huge profit. It got so bad, it ended up crippling the economy. Then-” He pointed to the other city. “This place, the second-biggest manufacturing capital for Schwan, had a kind of underground uprising.”

“That would explain the sudden drop of production,” Eridan muttered to himself, then his eyes went wide, “And the death of Noir!”

“Yep,” Dirk nodded, “That death wasn’t so accidental, turns out. It was part of the rebellion.”

“It all makes sense,” Eridan muttered under his breath, then he raised his head to look at Dirk. “Why don’t you publish this??”

Shit.

Dirk shrugged and rubbed the back of his head. “I can’t…” He began, “-prove it. I don’t have the kind of evidence that could prove it.”

“Oh.” Eridan looked back down at the map. His eyebrows drew together in thought and he pressed his lips together.

“We should go there,” He said finally, “Someday. If we know what we’re lookin for, maybe we’ll find it.” Dirk smiled. He had to respect Eridan’s drive.

“Sure, why not?” He noticed Eridan trying to hide a yawn. His heartbeat was dropping, too. “For now, we should probably turn in.” Eridan nodded in agreement, closing the book to bring it back to the shelf. His face turned contemplative as he stared at the cover.

“I could lend you this,” He said suddenly, “I mean, if you want, but you gotta promise to be careful with it.” Dirk smiled, mostly because he could tell by the way Eridan gripped the book that he was rather protective of his collection.

“I’m good,” Dirk answered, “I mostly do my history research online these days, but I do have a few old books I’ve held onto, if you wanna see them.”

The way Eridan’s face lit up when he offered made every year Dirk had held onto them worth it. Eridan bobbed excitedly and Dirk smiled.

“It’s a deal.” Dirk pretended to crack a yawn. “For now, let’s hit the hay.”

 

000

 

Jake groaned and opened his eyes. He found himself staring at an unfamiliar ceiling, on an unfamiliar couch, his clothes ripped, a familiar soreness pulsing through his body, and no memory of what happened last night.

Not again.

He grabbed the back of the couch and used it to pull himself up. He spotted Dirk leaning back on a chair nearby, fiddling with his phone. He had a few band-aids patched on his arm and face, and a prominent bruise on one cheek.

“Oh,” Jake said faintly, “Hello, old sport.”

“Rise and shine.” Dirk tossed him some bacon wrapped in a napkin. Jake’s eyes lit up and it had hardly hit his hands before he had devoured it. He swallowed and licked the bits off his fingers, then raised his head to give Dirk an embarrassed look.

“Er, I reckon I caused you a bit of trouble last night?”

Dirk crossed his arms, sitting back on the chair. “Why didn’t you take all your medicine?” Jake blinked slowly, taking a while to register the question. His eyes flashed in comprehension before he offered a sheepish smile.

“Well I...” His eyes flickered to the side. “I suppose it just slipped my mind.” Dirk cocked an eyebrow.

“Jake.”

“It’s ah, not really an interesting tale-”

“Jake.”

“I’ve been trying to grow a beard,” He admitted in a rush, “So I thought I might...”

Dirk groaned and slapped his hand against his forehead.

“Are you serious?”

“Well, in hindsight-”

“Jake, you don’t need hindsight. Just-” Dirk ran his fingers down his face. “You’ve only been on T for a month or something. Give it time and don’t go experimenting like this.

“I know but-” Jake squirmed in his seat, then looked around. He blinked. “Er, where are we?”

“You’re in my house is where you are,” Eridan grunted, coming in through the kitchen with some mugs of tea. “Dirk was carryin yer conked-out ass around in the middle of the night.” He handed Dirk one mug, then pushed the other at Jake. “What had ya missin your meds? Side effects?”

“Something like that,” Dirk answered before Jake could. Eridan shot him a half-hearted glare, and Dirk made a mental note not to keep answering with that phrase.

“Well, whatever.” Eridan sighed and slumped back in his armchair. “Ain’t any a my business. I don’t even care if some punks come messin around at my door lookin for you. I’ll shoot’em.” With that declaration, he grabbed the plate of bacon on the table beside him and tore into it. Jake laughed, a little nervously.

“I er, don’t think that’s likely to happen.”

“Mm,” Eridan mumbled back.

“Jake!” Jade burst in through the kitchen. “What were you **thinking**!?” Jake groaned and closed his eyes. “Don’t you groan at me!” She huffed and planted her hands on her hips. “Ugh, you’re probably starving right now. Whatever, we’ll talk this over at the diner nearby.” Jake nodded meekly. Jade grabbed his wrist and pulled him up, then turned to give Dirk and Eridan a warm look. “Thank you **so much** , you two! We’ll be sure to pay you back for this!” Jake offered his own mumbled thank you before Jade dragged him out the door.

Eridan crossed his arms, giving the closed door a thoughtful look.

“Do you think…” He started. Dirk’s hands tightened on his mug. “-They’re gonna get some stares, with Jake’s clothes like that?” Dirk’s grip relaxed, and he took another sip.

“Eh, doubt people will ask about it.”

“I could’ve lent him something,” Eridan grumbled, “I have a green skirt that would fit him, might be a little long but still.” Dirk had the notion that the offer was more for Eridan’s fashion tastes than Jake’s comfort.

“Jake’s not a skirt kinda guy.” Dirk set his mug down on the table, then reached into his bag to pull out a bottle of sunscreen. The light coming in through the windows was starting to irritate him. Eridan rolled his eyes.

“Whatever,” He shot Dirk nervous look, “So uh, you want some breakfast?”

“I should actually head out, too.” Dirk admitted, making sure his genuine regret showed through. The sun was just going to get stronger as morning went on. Dirk finished touching up his face, then got up.

“It really was nice of you to let us all crash here,” He told Eridan, “Thanks.” Eridan’s face tinged pink as he waved Dirk off.

“You guys don’t have to keep makin a big deal a it. I mean, it’d be kinda nice if I knew what the Hell it was all about but **whatever** , I guess.”

“Maybe someday.” The words were out of Dirk’s mouth before he could think. That was a dangerous habit. He didn’t really have any authority on telling Jake’s secret, but he found himself hoping very strongly Eridan could know someday, know about all of them.

“Yeah, yeah.” Eridan sighed and flicked his hand at the door. “You want me to walk you home?”

“I’m good.” To make sure Eridan didn’t take it the wrong way, Dirk glided over across the room and up to his side, where he planted a gentle kiss on his temple. “I’ll see you around?” Eridan made a strangled sputtering noise before quickly looking away. Dirk grinned. He really was adorable.

“Y-Yeah.” Eridan muttered. “I’ll, see ya.” Dirk nodded, then drifted away from him toward the door.

“You really are amazing,” Dirk reminded him, “Don’t forget that.” Eridan huffed and crossed his arms.

“ **Please** Strider, I know I’m far above the common rabble.”

“Got it,” Dirk winked at him, “Your Highness.” Eridan grumbled something in response as Dirk headed out the door. He knew that, for all Eridan acted like it, he was pretty insecure.

The thought caused a fierce protectiveness to rush through Dirk. The insecure ones were the ones easily manipulated, the ones who could be led blind with a few pretty words and falsely warm looks from the wrong person.

Still, Eridan was not a fool, but Dirk couldn’t help but worry. He sighed and picked up his pace. He wanted to get out of the sun, back home where he could shower, then sleep in his cool dark room for the rest of the day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jake ate like, an entire pig at the diner.
> 
> Jade: Dirk Jake's gone missing I think he's berserk!  
> Dirk: So you want me, a vampire, to go looking for him, knowing he'll immediately attack me on sight.  
> Jade: Please?  
> Dirk: Have you considered putting up posters or shaking the treat bag?  
> Dirk: I'm going, I'm going.
> 
> Part of the reason Eridan didn't pick up on anything weird is that he just really doesn't care that much.
> 
> Perhaps Jade should have said: "And I with him?" But Jade doesn't care about proper grammar at this moment.


	4. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which two dates are had, one romantic, one liberating. Also several marine mammals are stolen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a bit late. I've been busy.

This restaurant was nice. Large pictures of ocean scenes decorated the walls, hanging beside things like anchors and models of boats. The chandeliers and candles on the table offered some dim lighting. Red curtains and golden wallpaper gave the large room a royal look, and a soft orchestra played in one corner.

And Dirk on the other side of the table. He made the restaurant seem like some shady hole in the wall. He was dressed in a cream-colored silk shirt with a dark maroon jacket. The dim candlelight flickered across his face, drawing out the sharp lines there.

Behind his shades, Dirk’s eyes moved up to meet Eridan’s, and his mouth quirked up in a smile.

“Anything interest you?”

“Oh! Uh-” Eridan’s eyes snapped back down at the menu. “The uh, seafood seems nice.”

“I’ve heard the lobster is good here.”

“I like lobster,” Eridan mumbled back, his eyes crawling back up to stare at Dirk again.

A waitress came by a flashed them a smile as she refilled their water glasses.

“Welcome to Quartz and Music! Ready to order?” She set the pitcher down and whipped out a notepad. Eridan nodded.

“I’ll uh, have the lobster.”

“Very good, and you?” When Dirk didn’t answer immediately she launched into her practiced spiel. “Our special today is a filet mignon with garlic mashed potatoes-”

“No thanks,” Dirk interrupted her, “I’ll have the sirloin, rare, and a glass of Merlot.”

Eridan wondered what Merlot was as the waitress left, but he decided not to risk asking.

“So uh,” Eridan drummed his fingers on the table, “How’s…work?” Eridan knew Dirk did freelance something, but he wasn’t sure on the details.”

“Alright,” Dirk nodded, “You work at the aquarium, right?”

“Yeah,” Eridan went by once a week to run maintenance. With just a glance, he was able to spot sicknesses and other problems that would take expensive technology and a lot of time for others to see. They had given up asking how he did it, trusting the fact that he had always been right.

“Do you like it?” Dirk asked, “Working there?” Eridan nodded.

“Yeah, they take good care a the animals there, and they spread a lot a awareness about the ocean to people.”

“Nice.”

The waitress set a steaming plate down in front of Eridan. He blinked in astonishment. The lobster was bright red. Was it a different kind of breed? Wait, maybe it was just the effect of cooking it. He lightly poked it, wincing a bit with the shell burned him.

“Is something wrong?” Dirk asked. Eridan laughed nervously and drew his hand back.

“Nope! Not a thing. Uh, how’s your meal?”

“It looks good,” Dirk answered, having not taken a bite yet. He picked the silverware up and began to slice the meat with neat, even movements. Eridan watched him for a bit. He couldn’t help but marvel how every movement Dirk made seemed like a work of art.

“Do you want some?” Dirk asked as he glanced up at him. Eridan flushed and shook his head.

“No! Nah, I got my own.” He scolded himself for staring at he turned to his own meal. He needed to be smooth, elegant, charming. He made a mental note to himself that he was going to be the pinnacle of charm and class for the rest of the meal.

He picked the lobster up in both hands and with an expert twist ripped the tail from the body. Looked like the cooking had given the meat and guts an interesting, firmer texture. He bit into the shell of the tail, crushing it under his jaws, then tore a piece off to swallow.

Now Dirk was the one staring at him, though Eridan wasn’t sure why. He paused in his meal to meet his eyes.

“Uh,” His eyes flickered from Dirk down to the meal, “Do, **you** want some?”

“I’m good,” Dirk answered before looking down at his own food again. Before Eridan could ask further his phone buzzed in his pocket, so he wiped his hand down before checking it.

 

TG: thats not how you eat a lobster you dingbutt

TG: especially not in a fancy restaurant!

CA: what

 

Eridan glanced around until he spotted a familiar-looking face, disguised behind dyed brown hair and a pair of glasses. A small pale woman was also at the table. She waved shyly at him, and he recognized her bright lime green eyes under her new wig. Callie, a shy naga who loved human culture and went out in disguise even more than Eridan did. Jane was also there, but apparently not bothering to play into her girlfriends’ shenanigans.

Eridan rolled his eyes and texted her back.

 

CA: how else are ya gonna eat a lobster

TG: holy shit eri

TG: look look at the thingys they gave you

TG: the tiny fork and stuff

 

They **had** given him some weird extra tools that they hadn’t given Dirk, but Eridan hadn’t looked too much into it. Now he eyed them: A very small thin fork and some weird metal V. He picked the V up and found it opened and closed on account of a hinge at the middle. What the Hell was he supposed to do with these?

Dirk was staring at him again. Eridan ducked his head and fiddled with the tools. Knowing how much humans liked using these little tools, the fact that he had torn into the lobster with his hands must have been barbaric.

But how was he supposed to use these? Just as he was about to text Roxy again for a hint Dirk spoke up.

“Have you never used those before?” Eridan froze up, still staring down at his meal. Dirk went on in a gentler tone. “I could teach you, if you want.”

“Um, uh-” Eridan glanced at Roxy, who nodded vigorously. “-Could ya?”

“Sure.” Dirk nudged the candle aside, then reached over the table to take the tools from Eridan’s hand. Eridan felt his smooth skin brush his knuckles and his stomach twisted itself into a tight knot.

“This is to break the shell,” Dirk explained as he took the second claw and held it between the V tool before squeezing it, making the shell crack under the pressure, “Then the tiny fork is used to pull the meat out.”

“Oh,” Eridan answered softly. He felt like such an idiot, but it was muffled by the fact that a good portion of his attention was focused on the way Dirk’s hands were skillfully maneuvering to twist the tools this way and that. He pulled a bit of meat out of the arm, then held it up to Eridan’s mouth. It took five whole seconds of staring for Eridan to get the hint and open his mouth. Dirk smiled as he fed him, and Eridan nearly choked. His heart was banging like a drum in his chest and he couldn’t tell if he was breathing or not.

“You got it?” Dirk asked. Eridan blinked, then nodded.

“Yeah! Yeah, sorry, I got it now.”

“Alright,” Dirk sat back, “Though the way you were going at it seemed Hell of a lot more efficient.”

“It’s just-” Eridan’s eyes flickered to the side, “It’s just how we eat them where I’m from.”

“Where are you from?” Dirk asked. Eridan went rigid. Of **course** that was going to be the next question.

“Polynesian islands,” Eridan mumbled, trying to telepathically project that Dirk not ask any more questions. It might have actually worked, because Dirk just hummed and went back to his own meal. Eridan breathed out a sigh of relief and did his best to eat the rest of his meal with the tools, now slippery from the food. Lobster was less messy when you were eating it underwater.

Dirk took a sip from the glass of the deep red liquid that had come with his meal. Eridan figured it must have been like the drinks Roxy had sometimes. They all tasted the same to him: horrible.

Eridan’s hand slipped squeezing the cracking tool, and his finger scraped against one of the barbs on the lobster. He hissed and pressed his cut to his tongue. He’d **never** make such a stupid mistake using just his hands.

“Are you ok?” Dirk asked.

“Oh, yeah-” Eridan raised his head to look at him. “Just a…” He looked up at Dirk and blinked. “- a scratch?” Dirk was gripping his fork so hard his knuckles were turning white. He stared down at his meal, even as he spoke.

“You should wash it.”

“R, Right.” Eridan got up. “I’ll be right back.”

Eridan secretly hoped he would offer to go with him, but Dirk just nodded, so Eridan headed for the restroom on his own.

He washed and dried his hands, then immediately texted Roxy.

 

CA: ROX DID I FUCK UP IS DIRK MAD AT ME

TG: lol wut

CA: i scraped myself on the lobster was that a faux pas or somethin was it pathetic

CA: ugh only wrigglers scrape themselves on spines he must think im pathetic i couldnt even use those dumbass tools

TG: r u bleedin?

CA: not really like just a little

CA: its already stopped

TG: k good good

TG: and dirk aint mad at ya

TG: he uh

TG: was probably just concerned

CA: he must think im such an idiot

CA: cant even eat a lobster right

TG: eri omg chill

TG: i promise dirk doesnt hate you cause you didnt know about the tiny lobster forks

CA: but what if he DOES rox

TG: he doesnt

TG: dawww

CA: what

TG: haha eri he totally doesnt hate you im watchin him right now

TG: its adorable

CA: whats he doin

TG: get back out here and see

 

Eridan bit his lip, then shoved his phone into his pocket. He took a deep breath, then pushed through the restroom door.

Dirk was sitting where he’d left him, calmly working through the rest of his food. Eridan slid back into his seat, then realized his meal looked different. It had all been shelled. The meat was set neatly to one side, and the tools were resting to the side of the plate.

Eridan looked up at Dirk, who shrugged.

“Is your finger ok?”

“Yeah.” Eridan sighed and grabbed his fork. “Thanks.”

“Do you want to get desert?” The waitress asked as she cleared away the plates.

“I’ve heard they’re good, here,” Dirk commented, so Eridan nodded.

“Sure.” He peeked down at the menu. “How about uh, a coffee and the lemon meringue?”

“I’ll have a coffee and the raspberry torte,” Dirk said as he handed her the menu. She smiled and nodded before leaving. A few minutes later she returned with their coffee. Dirk dumped several packets of sugar into his, drawing a surprised look from Eridan.

“Do you like sweet things?” Eridan asked. Dirk shrugged as he stirred it in.

“I guess,” He paused, “…but I’m also a fan of salty things.”

“Same here,” Eridan answered, with a touch or relief. He doubted food choices were going to be very significant in a relationship, but every bit counted, he supposed. “What’s your favorite food?” Dirk shrugged again.

“I don’t know about a favorite.”

“Well how about,” Eridan raised his finger, “A food you just couldn’t go without?” Dirk jerked up at the comment, and Eridan blinked at the reaction. “What? Did you think of them?”

“Maybe,” Dirk answered. Eridan smirked.

“That’s a poor lie, Dirk.”

“I’ll do better on the next one.”

“C’mon,” Eridan prodded, “What were you thinkin of? I promise nothin would be embarassin to me.” Dirk grimaced, then sighed.

“It’s…” He began. Eridan folded his hands over the table in front of him and leaned in. “-A secret,” He finished before taking another sip of his coffee. Eridan scowled.

“Asshole.”

“I won’t deny it.”

The desserts came. Eridan frowned down at the whipped cream on his pie, then carefully scooped it off with his knife. Sure, the crust probably had dairy, but that didn’t mean he was going to eat straight up cream.

He stabbed his fork into the lemon meringue, pulling an ambitious amount into his mouth. The first time he had tried human sweets it had overwhelmed him, but he found he had adjusted quite quickly. He still didn’t have the same tolerance as Roxy, though.

He glanced up at Dirk, who was eating his own desert with neater bites. He caught Eridan’s gaze and quirked an eyebrow at him.

“U-Uh!” Eridan stammered, then looked around for an excuse. “I, um, do you want some pie??”

“Well-” Dirk started but Eridan was already scooping out a piece.

“H-Here,” Eridan held his fork out with a piece of the pie, “Have some.” Dirk smiled softly, then leaned forward. He took hold of Eridan’s wrist, then pulled the bite into his mouth. He released Eridan’s hand and drew back, then flicked his tongue across his lips.

“It’s good,” He said. Eridan stared at him, fork hanging limp in his grip. Slowly, he nodded.

“Yeah.” Dirk smirked, and Eridan’s face broke into a pout. “Are you makin fun a me?”

“No, just ruminating on how adorable you are.”

Eridan huffed and rolled his eyes before taking a swing of water.

“Yeah well, you’re drop-dead gorgeous, so there.” Dirk snorted.

“I’m wounded.”

“Yeah, you better be,” Eridan chuckled. His chest felt so light, just from being with Dirk like this. Just from being able to quip at him and enjoy each other’s company.

It was nice. Just this alone, it was nice. Even if all they did was sit together, talking, eating, that was nice.

Dirk caught him staring again, but this time Eridan just grinned at him. Dirk smiled in return. Maybe, Eridan would tell him. Maybe not tonight, but maybe someday. Maybe even soon.

But not tonight.

 

000

 

 _“Aquarium?”_ Dirk scrolled through the pages on his phone, eyebrows drawn together in thought. He was presently seated at a picnic table protected by the shade of a large oak tree. _“Nah, he works at one, and he’s probably been to most of the ones in the city.”_ He swiped to another page, this one on the new movie coming out next week. _“He might like this.”_ Still a movie was kind of casual. Dirk wanted something a little fancier for a date. There was always a high-class dinner. Dirk probably knew every single garlic-free restaurant in the city. The seafood ones tended not to be part of them, though.

He should probably discuss it with Eridan; only he would know exactly what he wanted. Dirk looked up to see if Eridan had shown up yet. He spotted the other in the crowds easily enough, since he was reliably the most fashionable one on the street. He waved him over, and Eridan caught sight of him and made a beeline for the table. He had an unusually forceful stride today. Dirk’s eyebrows crawled upwards as he noticed the flyer clenched in his fist.

Eridan arrived and slammed the paper down on the table. Through the wrinkled edges, Dirk recognized a picture of several orcas, seals, and dolphins leaping through hoops in the sky. Colorful text decorated the page.

 

_The Circus of Colors and Mayhem’s special ocean trope! The best performance in the world!_

They flyer said they were coming to Skaia next week. Dirk quirked an eyebrow and looked up at Eridan. He didn’t expect Eridan to be interested in something like this. Also, Eridan had a strange intensity in his eyes. It wasn’t exactly excitement. Well, there was some excitement, but something else too. Something that honestly scared even Dirk a little.

“Is this a date suggestion?” Dirk finally asked.

“No,” Eridan growled, “This is a heist.”

 

000

 

Dirk perched up on the rooftop, staring down at the setup below him. The trope had gotten the pools and stands all set up, all behind a double set of chain-link fences.

 _“How are they even transporting things like dolphins on the road?”_ Dirk wondered. He was almost done memorizing the layout. Looks like the animals were kept in two different locations. They could back a truck into that spot there, then open that gate…

He nodded in satisfaction, then hopped off the roof and swung down to join the others. Eridan, unsurprisingly, looked good even dressed for an ecologically-fueled sea mammal robbery. He was dressed in a sleek black long-sleeved shirt, and a pair of black tights, pants for a change. A small bag was slung over one shoulder. He also wore a pair of black slippers and gloves.

Roxy, Jane, and Dave were also there. Dirk had asked Dave if he wanted to come help steal a bunch of dolphins and stuff. The answer had been a resounding “Hell yes.”

“There are a few guards doing patrols,” Dirk said, “But most of them are hanging out in a building in the corner. The seals are being kept in one area, and the dolphins in another.

“There are two orcas, three dolphins, and four seals,” Eridan muttered, “We’ll have to make several trips.”

“It looks like there are loading areas around each of the pools,” Dirk said, “We’d need to get the truck in there, though.”

“Shouldn’t be a problem,” Eridan grunted, “This way.”

They made their way to a section of the fence, guarded by a single man with wild black hair.

Apparently Eridan’s friend Gamzee had gotten hired on as a temp. As they approached the fence he took a joint out of his mouth to offer them a lazy wave.

“Hey ya’ll motherfuckers. Nice evening, huh?”

“A nice evenin for **justice** ,” Eridan answered. He was really into it. Gamzee just chuckled along and nodded.

“Righto, Eribro. I didn’t see no motherfuckers tonight, eh?”

“Thanks Gam.” Eridan looked up at the fence and hesitated. Sensing his worry, Dirk went first. He quickly scaled the fence, then perched at the top and offered him a hand up. Eridan’s face broke into a thankful grin and he accepted it, managing to scramble up the fence as well. Roxy joined them a second later, and Dave helped Jane up.

“I hear the closest guard, over there.” Dirk pointed through the fence, where he could hear soft footsteps and breathing. “They shouldn’t hear us, if we’re quiet.”

“Got it,” Eridan murmured, “What are we closest too?”

“The seals.” Dirk started to sneak on down the pathway between the fences. “This way.”

They arrived at the first tank. Dirk could practically feel the rage coming off Eridan in waves as he glared up at the tank.

“The loading dock’s over there.” Dirk muttered to distract him, nudging him toward the ramp.

“There’s a truck,” Roxy whispered. “I’m gonna look for the keys.” She slipped off as Dave went over to peek over the rim of the pool.

“So uh, how’re we gonna do this?”

“Leave it to me,” Eridan grunted as he stalked over to the pool. Without another word he hoisted himself up over the rim and slipped into the water.

“Whoa.” Dave leaned over a little more. “Is he gonna do that with the orcas?”

“He knows what he’s doing,” Dirk assured him, and himself.

“Yo,” Roxy reappeared and shook a chain of keys with an impish smile, “Bozos didn’t even bother to lock ‘em up.”

“Get the seals out.” Eridan commanded as he pulled himself out of the water. “Dirk Which way are the orcas and other dolphins?” Dirk nodded down another pathway. “Alright, I’m goin.”

“Alone?” Dirk asked. “You want me to-”

“No,” Eridan shook his head, “You stay here, get the seals out. I’ll meet you there.” He went running off down the path. Dirk hesitated, then turned back to see what he could do about the seals.

Surprisingly, the animals came out as soon as the truck had backed up to the raft. They must have been eager to get out of here. They went flopping forward on their own power into the truck.

Dirk wasn’t sure how they were going to deal with the larger mammals, but they’d cross that bridge when they got there.

Jane got behind the wheel, and Dirk followed her one foot as the truck headed for the exit.

Gamzee wasn’t watching the exit, but it was only one guy. Dirk motioned for Jane to wait, then moved forward toward the man. He circled around, staying in the shadows, then took his shades off.

He stepped in front of the man and locked eyes with him. “You are calm,” He told the man, who stared back at him dumbly. “Nothing is out of the ordinary. Nothing in the next few hours is going to be out of the ordinary. You won’t remember anything unusual tonight.” The man blinked slowly, then nodded. Dirk flicked his head over to the wall. “Go stand over there.” The man nodded again and shuffled over to the wall, stumbling a bit from his entranced state. Dirk returned to Jane and gave her the all clear.

One she was clear of the area Dirk returned inside to go find Eridan. They might need another truck to get the dolphins and orcas, not to mention he wasn’t sure how to get them in the truck.

He found Eridan kneeling by the tank. Inches from him, the head of one of the orcas peeked out of the water. It had a scar near its eyespot, and its fin flopped over against its back. Eridan was holding it in his lap, his lips moving as he ran one hand over its snout.

It was a bit of a surprise to see Eridan like that, considering he had once almost kicked a crying toddler out of panic for running at him then, in an attempt at reparation, had let the kid hold the rifle he had slung over his shoulder. He wasn’t much better with land animals either. According to Roxy, it had taken three weeks of intensive training to get him used to her cats.

Apparently sea life was different though, because Eridan was talking to it like a dear pet. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to its snout. The orca gave a soft clicking noise in response.

Dirk cleared his throat, and Eridan jerked up to look at him. His eyes went wide, then the blood rushed to his cheeks.

“Wha- How long-”

“Shh.” Dirk pressed his finger to his lips as he walked closer. “The house with most of the guards are nearby. They’ll hear the truck if we start one.”

“They’re all asleep,” Eridan answered immediately, “I uh, checked already. They’re dead out.”

“Huh.” Dirk glanced over at the house. “You sure?”

“Yeah.” Eridan nodded to some kind of lift on the side of the pool. “That should be able to get these guys into the truck, then we gotta hurry and get them to the beach.”

“Alright.” Dirk scanned the area, listening for where the rest of the guards were. “We’re deeper in, so I’m going to take care of the other guards.” Eridan didn’t ask. Dirk went sneaking off to the closest sound.

He did a quick round around, hypnotizing the rest of the guards. He also checked the house and found they were indeed all asleep, some having fallen asleep right on the table or the floor.

 _“Geez,”_ Dirk lifted up one of the bottles on the table, _“What the Hell were they trying?”_

When he returned Roxy and Dave had joined them, and Roxy had found another set of keys.

“I think we’re only gonna be able to fit two at a time,” Eridan grunted, “And we’re gonna have to use some muscle to get them.

“I’ll come then,” Dirk said, “Jane should be back soon. Dave, can you stay here and wait for her?” Dave nodded.

“I’m goin,” Eridan said, “I wanna stay in case the animals get nervous.”

“Alrighty.” Roxy scrutinized the lift, “Anyone know how to work this thing?”

“Let me see it.” Dirk moved over and fiddled around a bit, then nodded in satisfaction as the platform began to creep downward.

Eridan managed to coax the first dolphin into the platform, and Dirk maneuvered the lift to load it into the truck. Once two were loaded, he climbed into the back with Eridan. The door closed and the truck lurched into motion.

Eridan was petting the dolphins as they rode, muttering to them again. He was speaking the language Dirk hadn’t recognized before. He cooed to the animals, soothing them through the ride. Dirk sat against the wall of the truck, watching him silently. He hadn't even realized Eridan had a caring side to him. It was a stunning scene, the expression of pure tenderness on his face. Dirk took extra care committing the image to memory, no telling when, or if, it would surface again.

The truck came to a stop and the door opened, revealing the beach. Eridan got to his feet.

“We gotta hurry, so they don’t dry out.”

“Got it.” Dirk paused, then decided that what he was about to do would probably get a more impressed reaction than a suspicious one. He looped one arm around the dolphin and heaved it up onto his shoulder. Eridan’s mouth actually fell open as he blinked in astonishment at the feat. Dirk flashed him a grin.

“I’ll get the other in a second.” Eridan just nodded mutely, padding behind him as he carried the dolphin into the surf. It was remarkably calm with the situation, and when Dirk set it down, it wiggled a bit before swimming further out.

Another truck arrived just as Dirk was returning from freeing the second one. Jane hopped out of the driver’s seat.

“Ok, this one has the orcas,” She told them. Dirk grimaced.

“Yeah, I don’t think I can lift those guys.”

“It’s alright,” Eridan grunted, “Rox’s gettin some stuff.”

Roxy did appear a few minutes later, in a rental crane with a wagon. With a bit of grunting, maneuvering, and swearing, they managed to get the orca first into the crane, then into the wagon for the last stretch. All through this, the orca was still perfectly calm, as if asleep.

“Did you give it something?” Dirk asked Eridan, who blinked in confusion.

“Somethin?”

“Like, a sedative? To keep it calm?”

“Oh, no.” Eridan shook his head. “I didn’t give her anything like that. Just a few words to calm her down.” Dirk quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Some kinda orca-whisperer, huh?” Eridan just shrugged as he heaved the wagon into the waves.

“Somethin like that.”

It took a little more work, but after a few more hours all the animals were in the water, the trucks were returned, and any incriminating tracks and data had been erased. Dirk looked forward to reading the news reports, but at the same time he was anxious of them. How much would they be able to piece together?

 _“Hardly anything.”_ Dirk told himself, _“And if they do know too much, I’ll make them forget it.”_ Feeling physically worn for once, Dirk sat down on the dock, letting his feet dangle over the edge. The sky was just beginning to lighten. It would be an hour or so until dawn.

The water broke in front of him to reveal a large round snout of black and white. Dirk scooted back a little, staring at the orca in confusion. The orca made a sharp series of clicks and squeaks at him.

“She’s thankin ya.” Eridan spoke up from behind him before sitting down next to him. He was wearing a pendant he hadn’t been before, one that gleamed in the dim light with silver metal and a violet jewel. “She knows what you did, and she’s grateful.”

“Huh.” Dirk leaned forward again, then reached one hand out tentatively.

“Go on,” Eridan encouraged him, “She knows you’re friendly.”

Dirk gently rested his hand on the orca’s snout. She was smooth and shining from the water. She nudged at his hand a little, then made a sharp clicking noise and a squeal. Whatever she said, it made Eridan smile. It was a warm, soft grin, one that made Dirk’s heart glow in response.

The orca vanished back under the water to go swimming farther out, where Dirk could see the fins of the other orca and dolphins. One of them blew a spout of water into the air.

“Are they going to be alright?” Dirk asked. “Just, on their own?”

“Fef’s in the water with them.” Eridan nodded to the waves. “She’s gonna lead them to some pods that will take’m in. The seals will have to move farther away.”

“Is she going to be alright, then?” Dirk shaded his eyes to stare out over the water. He thought he saw a mop of dark hair out there somewhere. “Like, does she have a boat or something?”

“She’ll be fine,” Eridan insisted, “She’s done this before.”

“Alright.”

“...Thanks, for all this,” Eridan said softly. He stared down at his lap, twisting his fingers together. “You were a huge help. I know I kinda pushed you into this-”

“Eridan,” Dirk interrupted him, “This was goddamn awesome. Best way to spend a night.” He clapped Eridan on the back. “You shoot me a message anytime you feel like busting out a bunch of sea animals.” Eridan chuckled.

“I’ll keep ya posted.” His smile faded into a sober look as he stared out at the waves. “I should go help Fef.”

“Cool, I should head back soon, too.” The sun was starting to peak over the horizon. It was pretty, but also warning Dirk he needed to get out of here soon.

“Right,” Eridan murmured. He tucked his legs up under him, then twisted around to face Dirk. Dirk turned to face him in response. Eridan bit his lip, then leaned forward to press his lips against Dirk’s. Dirk leaned forward as well, gently grasping Eridan’s wrist. Eridan sighed and trailed his hand down Dirk’s chest. They bumped their foreheads together when they broke off, then shared a chuckle.

“I’ll see ya around,” Eridan murmured and got up. Dirk nodded.

“Yeah.”

Eridan went jogging back to his beach house, presumably to change. Dirk couldn’t help but wonder for a moment how he looked in a swimsuit, what kind of styles he wore. He leaned back, feeling the stupidest grin pasted on his face. He really should get back, but for once the approaching sun didn’t scare him. Instead it reminded him of Eridan, the gradually rising light revealing more of his features, the soft color of his violet eyes.

“Yo Bro!” Dirk twisted around to see Dave on the sidewalk, hands cupped to yell at him. “You wanna roast or something??” Dirk grimaced and raised one hand to show he heard, then got to his feet to go and join him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The old, "Mermaid doesn't eat a lobster right" joke. Honestly Dirk was probably both impressed and a little turned on by that first method. Same goes for the moment he realized Eridan was totally ready to steal several large ocean animals, no looking back, no shits given, pure enraged determination.  
> They're perfect for each other.


	5. High Stakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Roxy shows off a necklace, and Dirk shows off his necklace retrieval skills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's short, because the next part works better one its own.
> 
> I keep forgetting to mention I have a tumblr for my writing: LunethWrites, if you wanna check that out for updates and stuff.
> 
> One way to fight vampires is to take advantage of their arithmomania, meaning they have to count things, so if you were to say, scatter a bag of rice or sand at their feet, they would feel compelled to count the grains.

“So I come home to find this dude, in front of my apartment-” Dirk held his hands out in front of him, “-nailing a goddamn crucifix to my door.” Roxy laughed as she skipped down the stairs. Dirk followed after her, taking the steps so smoothly he was almost flowing down them like water.

“So, I yell at him, tell him I’m gonna call the cops. The dude throws another cross at me.” Roxy snickered.

“A religious guy, huh?”

“Yeah.” Dirk held the door open for her as they walked out. “Those are the most annoying, but often the least dangerous. So it bounced off me and I think he got nervous when I didn’t like, burst into flames. **Then-** ” Dirk’s face screwed up. “Then this motherfucker hurls a bag of rice at me. Like, whole bag of the stuff that goes spilling everywhere.” Roxy’s eyes went wide and her mouth formed a small “oh.” Dirk groaned and pressed his hands over his face.

“There were 20,413 grains of rice in that dumbass bag.”

“Sorry dude.”

“Forget it.” Dirk dropped his hands back down to his sides. “What time is it? We’re meeting Eridan at 4?”

“Yep.” Roxy checked her phone. “Lol, scared of keeping him waiting?”

“He gets anxious,” Dirk pointed out, “I don’t want him to worry we ditched him.”

“Daw.” Roxy pocketed her phone. “Well, don’t worry your batty lil head, we’ll get there in plenty a time.”

They got there at 3:50. Eridan was waiting under the tree when they arrived. He brightened up upon seeing them, and Dirk couldn’t help wondering if he had been right about his anxiety.

“Heeeey Eri!” Roxy caught him in a tight hug, which he returned. Dirk had noticed from watching Eridan and Roxy interact that Eridan had a certain smile that he wore very rarely. It was a gentle, soft smile that projected a complete feeling of ease. Dirk wondered if Eridan would come to wear it with him around, or if it would be a completely new one.

“Alrighty boys!” Roxy linked their arms in hers. “C’mon, we’re tearin up the town!” Eridan rolled his eyes, but the two of them let Roxy drag them forward into town.

“Big crowds today,” Dirk noted. Roxy nodded.

“Ye, since that big festival is comin up. We’re gettin a lot a people comin in.”

“They better not litter on the beach,” Eridan muttered, “I’ll take their trash and shove it straight up their asses.” He sounded like he meant it. Roxy laughed and patted Eridan on the cheek. As she moved, a glint against her shirt caught Dirk’s eye.

It was the same necklace Dirk had seen Eridan wearing the night of the heist. Weird. It didn’t seem like a kind of friendship necklace, and it was definitely hand-crafted.

“Hey Roxy,” Dirk pointed at the necklace. “Where’d you get that necklace?” Roxy blinked, as did Eridan, then Roxy laughed and pulled the pendant out of her shirt. It looked high-quality, with careful metalwork and a large jewel in the center.

“This is, uh,” Roxy glanced at Eridan, who nodded. “It’s Eri’s, actually,” She finished. “He lets me…borrow it from time to time.” She winked and held it up for Dirk to see. “Pretty nice, ye?” Dirk nodded.

“It’s very-” He cut off as a young man thrust himself in between Roxy and Eridan. He hooked his hand around the necklace and shoved Roxy backwards. Dirk’s hand whipped out to catch her, and that kept him from stopping the man as he ripped the necklace free and went sprinting down the block.

Roxy shrieked in rage, and Eridan in fear, before they both went bolting down the sidewalk after him. Dirk was after them a step later. He weaved through the crowds without touching a soul and soon outpaced the other two to gain on the thief.

The thief leapt up onto some kind of window washing pully and yanked a rope. Something disengaged, and he went soaring upwards onto the roof.

 _“Must’ve set this up beforehand.”_ Dirk didn’t hesitate, he leapt up onto the building, grabbing a windowsill and hoisting himself up to the second floor. He grabbed onto a pipe and flipped himself upwards. The building was only five stories, he should be able to get there before too much of a lead was gained.

Eridan’s mouth fell open as he watched Dirk climb the building. No, climbing didn’t seem like the right work. He was scaling it with the ease and skill or someone showcasing a practiced dance. Before Eridan could fully register it, Dirk had flipped onto the roof and disappeared behind the edge.

“Rox,” Eridan leaned over toward her to whisper in her ear, “Can, Can all humans do that?” Roxy chuckled and shook her head.

“No Eri, they can’t.”

 

000

 

The thief hadn’t even kept running. Judging by the look on his face as he spun around, Dirk guessed he hadn’t expected anyone to follow him up.

“Hey,” Dirk held his hand out, “You took something from my friend.”

The thief snarled, and Dirk caught sight of a forked tongue sliding between his teeth, and split pupils in his red eyes.

“Vampire,” The thief spoke with vehemence, spitting the word out.

“Naga,” Dirk answered calmly, “Your poisons won’t work on me. How about you hand that over?” The thief cackled with a sharp, hissing laughter.

“I bet-” He thrust the necklace out at Dirk. “-you don’t even know what this is!” Dirk scowled. Naga had a reputation for being tricky to get their way.

“I know it belongs to my friend.” Dirk made a grab for it but the thief yanked it back.

“Wrong,” The thief answered proudly, “It belongs to me, now.” He turned to leave. Dirk shifted his feet, then he was suddenly right beside the thief, one hand gripping his wrist while the other wrapped around his head, pulling it back to expose his neck.

“The taste of Naga blood is not my favorite,” Dirk told him matter-of-factly, his mouth close enough to touch the skin of his collarbone. “But I wouldn’t mind taking a meal if you decide to keep being difficult.” The thief made a strangled, enraged sound, but then he dropped the necklace, letting it bounce against the rooftop. Dirk gripped the thief’s belt and smoothly flipped him over his shoulder. He snatched the necklace up before the thief hit the ground, and was walking back to the edge of the roof before he had gotten up. He didn’t bother to offer some threatening farewell, just hopped over and began to make his way back down the building.

Roxy and Eridan were waiting for him on the street. He held up the necklace, then looked between the two of them, unsure who he should be giving it to.

“Uh-” He started. Eridan snatched the necklace out of his hand and tied it around his neck. He was shaking, and Dirk’s eyebrows knit together with concern.

“Dirk,” Roxy spoke up, and as Dirk turned to face her she stepped forward to hug him tight. “Holy shit, thank you so much!”

“No problem,” Dirk answered. He reached out to clasp Eridan’s shoulder. “You alright?” Eridan nodded slowly.

“Thank you,” He said in an abnormally quiet tone.

“Don’t mention it, dude.” Dirk leaned over to look at his face. “You sure you’re ok?” Eridan nodded again, then stepped back. He was staring at the ground, clutching at the pendant around his neck.

“I’m gonna-” He looked up at Roxy, “-Sorry, I’m gonna head back early, is that ok?”

“Course, Eri.” Roxy answered. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Thanks,” He mumbled before turning to shuffle off away down the street.

“Will he be ok?” Dirk asked once Eridan was out of earshot. Roxy nodded.

“Yeah, think he’s just shaken up. That necklace is uh, precious to him.”

“But he lets you borrow it?” Dirk pointed out. Roxy shrugged.

“We didn’t go thinkin it was gonna get snatched. Guess it’s with all the crowds around, there are bound to be some pickpockets.” She sighed and hugged herself. “You wanna just hit the arcade?”

 

000

 

Eridan lay on the stone floor of the cave. It was an undersea cavern, accessible only through a series of underwater tunnels that would take any human to the end of their breath to get not even halfway through.

His tail curled up around him as he hugged his pendant to his chest. He had had a wizard create it for him, drawing it out of his soul and weaving it into this form. When touched by a human, it allowed him to take on their form.

If it remained in the hands of a human for a full cycle of the moon, he would be a human fully and forever.

He pressed the pendant to his cheek and closed his eyes. The human world had its interests, but it wasn’t something he would want to abandon the ocean for.

Thank God for Dirk. Eridan hadn’t even known it was possible for a body to move like that. Sure, Dirk was probably born with his legs, but Eridan couldn’t even fathom being able to move like him.

 _“He’s so cool.”_ Eridan sighed and stared at the stone wall across the water. _“He’s incredible. Can I even measure up to a guy like that?”_ For a second, the weight of anxiety and self-consciousness settled down on him before he shoved it away. If he wasn’t good enough, he would get better. Roxy always told him that was a better use of time than lying around feeling bad.

He dug around in his bag (specially waterproofed) and pulled out his phone.

 

caligulasAquarium began pestering tipsyGnostalgic

 

CA: hey rox

TG: eri! You alright?

CA: yeah sorry for leaving so abruptly like that

CA: dirk aint upset is he

TG: naw he was just a lil worried

TG: so sup?

CA: how do i hit on dirk

CA: like in a human way

TG: bite his neck thats sexy

CA: what really

CA: i mean ive seen it in movies but i never really got it

CA: doesnt it hurt

TG: nah nah like

TG: gentle

TG: like a lil nibble

CA: so like

CA: a kiss

TG: kinda yeah

CA: i dunno if i could do it right

TG: dont worry bout it eri

TG: just be yourself

TG: dirk already loves that

CA: you really think so

TG: oh def ;)

CA: like really def

TG: so very def

 

He let his hand fall back to the floor. Roxy always knew how to make him feel better. He fiddled with his pendant a little more, thinking.

When the thief had taken the pendant, he had gotten a weird feeling in his chest, one different than how it felt when Roxy had it. It hadn’t faded when Dirk had the pendant either. He chewed on his lip. It was possible it just felt different in the hands of different people. It’s not like had ever given it to anyone besides Roxy (Thank God he’d never given it to Vriska).

He shrugged off the thoughts and rolled over back into the water, letting himself sink to the soft sand at the bottom. He had it back now, that’s all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha Stakes, but it's actually Eridan's risk.
> 
> There was a book series, of which I can't remember the name, but it had a dwarf or something, and his merrow friend, and a very chill king. It was a pretty good series and I'm sad I can't remember the name. Anyways that's what I'm basing a good amount of Eridan's seafolkness after. Namely the part about being stuck human if he stays as one for too long.
> 
> EDIT: Catchsacks has informed me that the book in question was the "The Lost Journals of Ven Polypheme" series. It's a neat series!


	6. All I Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a festival is attended, a contest is entered, and Dirk has some ruminations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longish chapter! Full of sappy moments.  
> We have some guests this chapter. Treket and Rorlan, aquatarius' OCs who have shown up in my fics before. They're so fun I love them.

“Sorry about ditching you and Rox before,” Eridan muttered to the ground.

“Don’t worry about it.” Dirk’s arm was a comforting weight on his shoulder. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah I am.”

“Loosen up, kiddos!” Roxy flung her arm out at the shining street ahead of them, “They only throw this festival once a year! Let’s live it up!” Dirk caught sight of a familiar chain around her neck. The the pendant was hidden under his clothes, but even so Dirk was surprised that Eridan had lent Roxy his necklace so soon after the incident. He figured she’d keep it safe though.

It was nice to get out with everyone. Jake and Jane were arguing over which contestant was going to win the “best monster” contest. Dave had gone out with his own friends, but had mentioned meeting up with him later for the sword-fighting demonstration. Even Callie had gotten out, though the loud noises and bustling energy had her clinging to Jane as they walked.

The city had, as usual, pulled out all the stops for the festival. Tourism was basically this city’s most important attraction. Lime green and purple streamers covered the building and stalls had been set up on all the main roads. The air was charged with the shouts of stall-owners, the sounds of the games and announcements, and the sweet smell of fair-food drifting through the air.

Eridan, as usual, put it all to shame. He was wearing a dark blue dress that glittered with shards of reflective material and a pair of black loafers. A deep indigo scarf and matching cardigan kept off the evening chill. Dirk had to remind himself not to stare too often, even if his gaze was hidden by his shades.

There were people passing out maps and booklets of all the attractions. Roxy snagged one of each and opened them up for them to see.

“Oooo, there’s a new shootin game!” Roxy tilted the map toward Eridan so he could see. “C’mon Eri, wanna go clean out the prizes?” Eridan scowled at it.

“Those game are always rigged.”

“Ye but we’re good enough to win anyways!”

“True.”

They ended up at the games area. Roxy, Eridan, and Jake all made a beeline for the shooting games. Dirk sat back to watch. Even in a casual game with cork bullets and cans for targets, Eridan’s eyes were as keen and intense as if he were in a life or death battle.

He shot three prizes in a row. Dirk caught the staff giving him a sour look before it morphed into a cheery smile and congratulations. Eridan accepted his prizes, then shot Dirk a sly grin. Dirk, realizing he should find his own way to show off, glanced around the stalls. He spotted a test-your-strength and pointed it out.

“You guys interested in something like that?”

“Hell yeah!” Roxy flexed a muscle. “Watch and learn, boys.”

They lined up for the contest. Eridan went first. He heaved the hammer up, then swung it down onto the platform. He managed to get the weight up about halfway and scowled as it came back down again. Roxy went next and got it a bit higher than Eridan. Jane grinned and rolled her sleeve back, then took the hammer. She gave it a hard swing down and the weight shot up to ding against the bell. The group clapped as she flashed them all a wide grin.

Dirk stepped up and took the hammer. He hefted it in one hand, then glanced over at Eridan. He smirked, then swung the hammer single-handed in a wide hard to slam down onto the platform. The weight shot up to clang loudly against the bell. Dirk grinned and set the hammer down. Roxy leaned over to whisper something into Eridan’s ear, which made him flush bright red.

“Alright!” Jake stepped forward, rolling his sleeve back. “My turn!” He hefted the hammer in both hands, then swung it down. The weight bounced up a third of the way, then sunk down again. The staff grimaced and shrugged.

“Better luck next time.” Jake scowled up at the bell, then thrust another dollar at the man.

“One more time.” His voice had a growl to it that Dirk recognized. The staff shrugged and accepted the dollar.

Jake hefted the hammer again. Dirk saw the hair on his arms and face grow thicker, a change the others probably didn’t notice in the darkness. Jake took a deep breath, and his muscles grew, as did his teeth. With a harsh snarl he drove the hammer down. The weight shot up and slammed so hard against the bell the bracing cracked. Shouts and murmurs of awe rippled through the ground. Jake let the hammer fall to the ground, swaying a little. He gave the group a weak grin.

“Piece of pie,” He muttered. Dirk rolled his eyes.

“How in the…?” Eridan mumbled as he stared up at the broken bell. Dirk took his shoulder and began to lead him away.

“Let’s check this game out.”

Dirk steered him toward some sort of event happening on a stage. An announcer was in front of a large crowd, talking fast about something.

“You two!” The announcer jabbed a finger at the two of them, “How’d you like to join us as a team? We’ve got some great prizes here today!”

“Huh?” Eridan blinked, then looked up at Dirk. Dirk shrugged.

“I’m game if you are.”

“Excellent!” The announcer grabbed Eridan’s other wrist and pulled them up onto the stage. “Looks like we have our final contestants here, folks!” The crowd let out a cheer and the announcer went on. “We’ve got some lovely prizes today, folks!” He swung a hand out at the tables set up to one side of the stage. “50 boxes of Crocker-Corp chocolate! A Z-Box II! A life-sized shark plush!” Dirk knew just how delicious those chocolates were, and Eridan was eyeing the shark plush. Looks like they had some motivation.

“The contestants will complete five events,” The announcer explained, “Each them they must choose who of the pair will go up. The fifth one will be together! Each person MUST go up twice, so choose carefully!”

Eridan fidgeted with his hands nervously, then peeked over at the other groups out of the corner of his eye.

“You nervous?” Dirk asked. Eridan sputtered and shook his head.

“A course not! This’ll be a walk in the park! I can take this rabble.” Dirk’s mouth twitched upwards, but he nodded and clapped him on the shoulder. It probably was going to be a walk in the park, considering this contest was made for humans. And if one of the events were say, sunbathing, he would let Eridan take that one.

Dirk took a quick glance around the stage at the other contestants. There were three other groups. One appeared to be a pair of sisters at college age, the younger one excited, the older looking like she wanted to get off the stage. Another was a couple, a man and woman. They looked to be in their early twenties and were whispering to each other. The last were a couple of men, maybe mid-thirties. One of them absolutely looked like he didn’t want to be there. The other-

Shit.

The other stood with a perfect grace, holding his body with a precise kind of composure that Dirk knew well. He caught Dirk’s eye and flashed him a grin with unusually pointy eyeteeth. His eyes, bright jade, sparkled with mischief and the understanding of an inside joke. He winked at Dirk and ran his tongue over one fang.

Looked like there would be some competition after all.

“The first event!” The announcer’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “This will be testing your bonds with your partner! A William Tell contest! Please chose someone to be William!”

“William Tell?” Eridan whispered.

“An old folk-tale,” Dirk explained, “We’re probably gonna be trying to smack stuff off each other’s head. I can do it. I’m pretty good at throwing.” Eridan nodded, looking relieved.

“Alright.”

“Williams step forward!” The announcer shouted. Dirk stepped forward, as did the older sister, the girlfriend, and the other vampire. An assistant standing in the back of the stage stepped forward with a basket of pink foam balls. The announcer beckoned the non-Williams to stand in a line.

“The Williams will stand behind the line and try to knock the apples off their respective partners.” He explained. Eridan’s face screwed up as the assistant set the apple on his head. “If the ‘son’ flinches and the apple falls, that doesn’t count! So try to hold still! You’ll get points based on how many throws it takes and if the other person doesn’t flinch! Good luck, Williams!”

Eridan still looked nervous, so Dirk gave him a reassuring smile. The boyfriend was having trouble balancing the apple, and the younger sister seemed to have no shame in shielding her face with her hands.

The bell went off. Dirk nodded to Eridan, then lobbed the ball at the apple. It sailed straight to smack right against the apple and knock it off. The crowd cheered again, and Dirk could make out Roxy’s and Jake’s voices over the crowds. The other vampire meanwhile, hurled his ball in a hard motion and made his partner flinch. The apple tumbled off his head from the movement. In the time it took for him to put it back the sister managed to knock the apple off, but the vampire did manage to at least knock the apple off before the last couple did.

“And the results are in!” The announcer flung his hands out at Eridan and Dirk. “We’ve got Team 4 as the winners! That’s four points for you! Three points for the two ladies at Team 1, two points for the gentlemen at Team 3, and 1 point for the duo at Team 2.” The crowd cheered and clapped again. Dirk nudged Eridan to point out their friends in the crowd. Eridan grinned and ducked his head.

 _“He’s having fun.”_ Dirk found his own smile tugging at his mouth. Eridan raised his head to look at him.

“I think we can win this,” He whispered. Dirk nodded. Eridan could get…competitive at times, and Dirk saw that now, in the way that his eyes were sparkling and the tension was building in his shoulders.

“Our next event!” The announcer continued, “Requires mental strength!”

“I’ll do the next one,” Eridan said quickly, “I’m pretty smart.” Dirk nodded.

“Alright.”

Eridan stepped forward, as did the older sister, the boyfriend, and the non-vampire.

“Each of you will have a puzzle!” The assistants dragged out four tables, each with a wooden box on them. “Your job is to assemble each into a perfect cube!” Eridan scowled down at the box as he took his place. “On your mark, get set, go!”

They all dumped the pieces out onto the table. The sister immediately began to sort them out by shape and size. The non-vampire studied his pieces carefully and started to build the cube. The boyfriend just kinda stared at his pile, then grabbed a piece at random and tried to start building a cube out of it. Eridan fumbled with his pieces, then found the biggest one and started to try making a floor out of it. He scowled when he found himself halfway through but unable to complete it with the remaining pieces. After a bit of fuming, he broke the pieces apart and started over. The boyfriend was running into similar problems, while the sister seemed to know what she was doing as she started to assemble them.

In the end, the sister got it first, the non-vampire second, Eridan third, and the boyfriend last. Eridan returned to Dirk, his face burning and eyes glued to the floor. Dirk tried to give him a comforting pat on the shoulder, but it just made Eridan shrink under the touch.

“That was a tricky one.” Dirk had never been the best at consoling, but he tried anyways. “It really comes down to if you’ve done stuff like that before.”

“But I coulda done better than **that** ,” Eridan spat, “That was pathetic! You shoulda entered with Rox or someone who’s not fuckin terrible-”

“Eridan,” Dirk spoke softly as he took his shoulder, “It’s ok, It doesn’t mean you’re terrible if we don’t win this game.”

“…I know,” Eridan muttered, “I know, I know, but I can’t help but…”

“I know,” Dirk gave him a gentle kiss on the brow, “But it’s ok. Let’s just have fun.”

“I guess,” Eridan glanced over the at the other groups, then added under his breath, “I’d have more fun if I were winning though.” Dirk chuckled at that.

“Of course.”

“Our next event!” The announcer went on, “Is a tournament-style duel!”

“I can take this one,” Dirk offered. Eridan nodded, still looking a little glum.

Dirk stepped forward, as did the younger sister, the boyfriend, and the vampire. The assistants brought out some foam staffs and two small platforms were set up next to each other. The announcer explained that they were to try and knock each other off the platform, then split them into two groups.

The sister got knocked out almost immediately by the vampire, not exactly a fair fight. Dirk had a similarly quick victory against the boyfriend. That left Dirk facing off against the vampire.

The vampire gave him a cheeky smile as they took their places. Dirk nodded to him in response.

“May the best man win?” The vampire offered with a wink. Dirk resisted rolling his eyes.

“Sure.”

The bell went off. The vampire went for a stabbing lunge, which Dirk swatted aside before retaliating with an attack of his own. It was just enough to make the vampire stumble back and off his platform. The crowd cheered. Dirk glanced over at Eridan to see him looking mix of astonished and impressed. The expression unbalanced Dirk more than any foam staff could have.

“That was amazin!” Eridan gasped as he returned to him, “I didn’t even see ya move!”

“I’ve taken a few classes,” Dirk answered, “I could teach you some tricks, if you want. Self-defense, sword-fighting, martial arts.” Eridan grinned.

“I might take ya up on that offer.”

“We’re ahead now.” Dirk nodded to the scoreboard keeping track. They were leading at 10 points, with the vampire’s group at 8, the sisters at 8, and the couple at 3.

Eridan stared at the scores nervously. “I have to go next,” He said softly, “What if I mess up?” Dirk started to reassure him but the announcer interrupted him.

“And for our last individual event!” The announcer grinned. “I hope you’ve all warmed up your voices, because it’s going to be a karaoke!”

Eridan’s eyes went wide, then his face split into a gleeful grin. Dirk smirked and patted his arm.

“I think you’ve got this.”

“We’re having the audience weigh in on this one!” The announcer said as the scores on the screen disappeared to show a list of songs. “You’ll be singing, but remember you’re performing too! Try to net some points for style!”

The sister was decent at singing, but she was concentrating so hard she only managed a few smiles and half-hearted gestures for the performance. The girlfriend was pretty good, doing some dancing and flashing the audience some wide grins. The non-vampire had a deep, strong voice, and did well projecting the notes. He was somewhat lacking in the performance though, but he chose a demure, slow song so it worked.

Then Eridan stepped up to the stage. He accepted the remote, which doubled as the microphone, and began to flip through the songs. He examined the list with a critical eye, then glanced at Dirk. Dirk shrugged to tell him it was up to him. Eridan turned back to the list, pursed his lips, then finally decided on one. The announcer made a surprised noise.

“We have a festive choice here, folks! Guess it’s never too early to get into the holiday spirit!”

Eridan smirked as he turned to the crowd with the microphone. Dirk crossed his arms and set his feet apart. He wanted to catch every second of his performance, if he could.

The music started, and Eridan began to sing.

 

_I don’t want a lot for Christmas,_

_there is just one thing I need._

Eridan voice rang clear over the crowd, causing them all to fall silent. Eridan closed his eyes and went on, tilting his head with a soft, longing expression.

 

_I don’t care about the presents,_

_Underneath the Christmas Tree._

 

He opened his eyes and, to Dirk’s surprise, twisted away from the audience to face him.

 

_I just want you for my own,_

_More than you could ever know._

His hand went up to gracefully extend toward Dirk.

 

_All I want for Christmas,_

_Is you~_

Dirk remained pinned in place as the instrumental charged up. Eridan flashed him a grin before diving into the lyrics again.

 

_I don’t want a lot of Christmas_

_There is just one thing I need_

His voice washed over Dirk and sunk into his very bones. It was the most sublime sound he had ever heard. He felt like he was dreaming, fantasizing that someone so beautiful, could be singing such an incredible melody at **him**. The other contestants, the crowd, the festival, all of it faded from Dirk’s consciousness as he watched Eridan, unable to tear his gaze from him if he wanted to.

 

_I just want you for my own,_

_More than you would ever know_

His fingers twitched in to playfully beckon, and Dirk almost stepped forward before Eridan turned away to continue singing. His melody floated through the air with each note tugging Dirk’s heart this way and that. Dirk must have heard this song a million times, but the ending snuck up on him. All too soon Eridan was sounding out the last note, letting the outro end the song.

The crowd burst into applause. At least a third of them had been moved to crying. Roxy was jumping up and down with her fists in the air. The crowd had almost doubled during the song as people had heard them and came closer. Eridan gave them all a smug look as he twirled the microphone in his hand before returning it to the announcer, who stared at him dumbly for a few seconds before shaking his head.

“I…I think we have a winner here, folks!” The crowd roared in approval. The scores changed to be 14 for Dirk and Eridan, 10 for the vampire’s group, 9 for the sisters, and 6 for the couple. Eridan grinned at Dirk, who managed a clumsy smile back. He was still shaking off the effects of that song.

“Our final event,” The announcer declared, “Will be worth double the points! And involves both contestants! It will be:” He paused for dramatic effect, “A dance-off!”

Eridan swore under his breath and his grip on Dirk’s hand tightened. “Dirk,” He whispered to him in a panic. “I still hardly know shit about dancin.”

“You’ll be fine,” Dirk assured him, “You were great at the beach, and you were dancing a little during your singing, too.”

“But-”

“Just follow my lead,” Dirk took ahold of both his hands, “Trust me.” Eridan swallowed, then nodded and they walked forward with the other groups.

“The music will change randomly,” The announcer warned, “So be prepared!” Eridan gulped again, so Dirk squeezed his hand. “Let’s get moving!”

The music started. It was a pop song, one of Roxy’s favorites. Dirk could work with this. “Follow my lead,” He told Eridan. He held one of Eridan’s hand and started with some simple footwork, waving his free hand and moving his hips to the beat. Eridan copied him. He was a little clumsy with the feet, but his arms and shoulders moved well.

 _Very_ well.

Dirk pushed the thought out of his mind and tried to focus on the dance. He glanced at the others out of the corner of his eye. The sisters seem to be taking turns in a kind of copycat routine, one dancing, then the other repeating. The couple was engaged in a cute, goofy dance together. The vampire danced across the stage with perfect grace, and his partner was doing an impressive job keeping in step with him as they did a ballroom-style routine that looked like it had been practiced before.

“You’re doing great,” Dirk murmured encouragement to Eridan, who beamed in response.

The music changed to a fast-paced high-energy song. This might be a little harder. Eridan’s face flashed with panic. Dirk raised his hands to calm him as he stepped away from him. He raised his arms over his head and flicked his hips around, moving his arms to the beat. Eridan nodded and copied him. He caught on quickly, and soon began improvising other moves as well. Dirk nodded in encouragement and began to step side-to-side. Eridan imitated them so they were moving in sync, a grin growing on his face as he got the hang of it. He really was a natural, the way his body moved with such a fluid grace, in perfect synchronization of the music, the way his expression seemed lost in the melody, bordering on bliss.

Dirk really needed to be focusing. Yes, Eridan was hot, he was unbelievably hot, but it would not be good if they lost this contest because Dirk was too busy gaping to dance.

The music changed again, this time to a slower dance. Dirk dropped his arms down.

“I take it you remember one like this?” Eridan nodded.

“Mostly.”

“That’ll be fine.” Dirk took his hand and set the other on his shoulder. “Left foot back first.”

They began to glide across the dance floor, moving to the melody of the song. Eridan took a minute or so to get the hang of the steps, but as he began to relax a wide grin spread across his face. Dirk found himself again smiling in return. There was something about seeing Eridan happy that gave him a warm feeling in his chest, and watching his violet eyes sparkling in excitement, Dirk was struck with the sudden urge to make Eridan happy every day of his life.

It was followed by a period of shock over the sheer intensity of the feeling, so much that Dirk’s feet paused in their step. Luckily, that was the same time the music died. He dropped Eridan’s hands a bit faster than he probably should have. Eridan gave him a bit of a confused look, but was distracted a second later by the announcer.

“That was quiet a show, folks! What did you think about team 1?” He held the microphone out to the audience, who responded with some muddled cheering. He repeated this with the other groups, gauging the scores by the volume of the cheers. Dirk smirked at the several familiar voices overtaking the crowd when their turn came around. The especially loud “tally ho” could have only come from one person.

The final scores came in: 10 for the sisters, 8 for the couple, 13 for the vampire group, and 18 for Dirk and Eridan. The crowd erupted into applause and Dirk looped his arm around Eridan’s shoulders to pull him into a hug. Someone gave a shrill whistle, but Dirk decided to forgive it since he was 90% sure it was Roxy.

As the winners, they got to choose their prize first and also take two prizes from the table. Eridan took the giant shark and Dirk grabbed the chocolates. Their friends swarmed them as they got off the stage.

“That was amazing!” Roxy punched Eridan in the shoulder. “You guys were hella awesome! ‘specially the singin, Eri!” Eridan beamed and held up the shark.

“I’m namin him Aquarius,” He declared, earning a chuckle from Roxy.

“I have to say I like your choice of prizes.” Jane smirked at the motherload of chocolate in Dirk’s hands. “I don’t suppose you’d consider sharing?” Dirk cocked an eyebrow at her.

“Jane, you literally own the factory that makes these.”

“Oh not with me!” She grinned and placed one hand over her chest. “With all these people at the fair! Nothing sweeter than brightening up someone’s day!”

“And providing free advertising, obviously.” Dirk sighed and adjusted his hold on the boxes. It wasn’t like he was planning to eat these all himself anyways.

He handed out a few boxes to each of the other contestants, just to ensure no hard feelings. The vampire grinned as he accepted the box.

“Thanks!” He chirped. The two of them had chosen a set of baking tools for their prize. “This was a real blast! I wasn’t actually expecting anyone to give me any competition!” He laughed, and his partner swatted him on the arm. “I go by Treket. This here is Rorlan.” He nudged the man beside him. “So, are you two together?” The abrupt question was tinged in a very certain way as he shot Dirk a knowing look. _The_ Look to be exactly. Dirk nodded.

“Yeah, we started dating around-” He paused, and Eridan quickly filled him in.

“About a month, now.”

Dirk nodded. It was about a month. He knew that, but it was still a surprise for him. It felt too short, too short to have such strong feelings about Eridan.

“Congrats!” The vampire smacked his partner on the back. “I’ve known this grump here for like a decade now!”

“Are **you** two together?” Eridan asked. Treket snickered and Rorlan rolled his eyes.

“He lives in my basement,” Was Rorlan’s only answer. Treket just shrugged.

“He likes me enough to keep me around.” Treket raised one hand in farewell. “We’re gonna check out the pastry stalls now. Enjoy the festival!”

Dirk nodded goodbye as the two began to walk away. Treket held the box of chocolates up. “Hey, you think I can feed these to my guinea pigs?”

“No.”

“Think I can eat all these in an hour?”

“Don’t.”

Eridan snorted as they left. “They’re an interesting duo.” He glanced over to smile at Dirk, and Dirk was again struck by how powerful an effect Eridan had on him. Something must have showed on his face, because Eridan’s face fell into a worried frown. “You ok, Dirk?”

“…Yeah.” Dirk shook his head. “Sorry, you wanna check out some more games?”

 

000

 

“And that’s how I almost gone banned from McDonalds,” Dirk finished. Eridan snorted and popped a chocolate into his mouth. They were sitting high up on the Ferris wheel, an open box of chocolates sitting between them.

“Once I got kicked out of a bar for nearly killin a guy who harassed Rox.”

“I know, I was there.”

“Oh, yeah.” Eridan flushed in embarrassment and looked away.

“It was really cool,” Dirk added to comfort him. Eridan grinned.

“I hope he’s scared to even go near women now.”

“Probably.” Dirk popped a chocolate of his own into his mouth. Sometimes he wished he could survive off chocolate rather than blood.

“I can see my house from here,” Eridan commented. Dirk looked out and spotted the small house tucked away on the shoreline.

“So you can.”

“I used to be afraid a heights, ya know.” Eridan kicked his legs against the bench. “Couldn’t even get me to a second floor.”

“Wow,” Dirk looked down below him. Height had never been a problem for him. He had lived a good portion of his life a tower. Also, he could fly. Also, even if he did pancake onto the ground, he could still get up as long as there hadn’t been a inconveniently placed stake at the bottom. “I didn’t drag you up here, did I?”

“Oh nah.” Eridan shook his head. “I’m better about it now, it’s just, uh-” His gaze flickered to the side. “There weren’t a lot a…heights, where I lived.”

Dirk leaned over to study his face. Whenever Eridan mentioned his past, he got a little cagey. Maybe it had been hard?

“What was it like?” Dirk asked, “Your old home?”

“It’s nice,” Eridan answered immediately, “It’s, beautiful, full a life.” He sighed and leaned forward on the bar. “I’ll go back there, one day. But this place is pretty nice, too.”

“It is.” Dirk leaned back against the bench. He watched Eridan out of the corner of his eye, and pondered the feeling twisting in his chest.

He liked Eridan. He liked Eridan a lot. Maybe it was just a normal part of infatuation to be utterly bowled over by his feelings over him. Dirk told himself that it was normal, that he would be able to control himself again soon.

Did that mean he was letting himself go blind? Idolizing Eridan and putting him on a pedestal? It was a mistake he had done in the past, one that had led to enough strife that he didn’t want to make it again.

And yet, he knew Eridan wasn’t perfect. He had a short temper, he could be harsh without meaning to, or sometimes purposefully so. He got defensive and could lash out sometimes.

But he was also intelligent, incredibly skilled, and full of drive for the things he cared about. He had a beautiful laugh, a beautiful voice, a beautiful smile. He cared for his friends and would kill for them. He got a certain gleam in his eye when something excited him or made him happy. His way of speaking was both casual and extravagant at the same time.

He realized Eridan hadn’t said anything for a while. The other was staring down below them, gripping the bar in front of them tightly.

“Eridan?”

“I wasn’t thinkin about it before,” Eridan muttered, “But we are **damn** high up.”

Dirk slid over across the bench, moving the chocolates aside to wrap his arm around Eridan’s shoulders. Eridan pressed up against him in response.

“…This is nice, too,” He murmured. Dirk nodded.

“It is.”

The carriage had reached the top of the wheel. Eridan tilted his head back to stare upwards.

“Did you say you lived on an island?” He asked Dirk. Dirk nodded. “Here in the city, the light pollution’s so bad you can hardly see the stars.”

“Yep.”

“Sometimes I swim out away from the city at night,” Eridan murmured, “To get a better look at them.”

“You swim out?” Dirk repeated.

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” Dirk hugged him a bit tighter, unsure how to broach the subject without seeming like a total worrywart. “How far out do you go?”

“About a few miles I guess.”

“At night?”

“Yeah.”

“Alone?”

“Sometimes Fef swims out with me.” Eridan’s gaze flickered over to him. “Why? Is that weird?” Dirk just shrugged.

“I guess not if it’s something you do where you’re from. Just be careful I guess.” Eridan offered a wide grin in response.

“Thanks, but you don’t gotta worry about me.”

“Right.” Dirk nodded again, watching the city sprawling out before him.

He did love Eridan, with all his interesting quirks and beautiful flaws and incredible talents, and the part of Dirk that wanted to run away wasn’t going to win this time. For better or worse, he wanted to stay with him. He would deal with the consequences later.

The carriage began its descent downward, carrying the both of them to the bottom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were no hard feelings from the contest. The sisters were like “whatever we got a prize.” The couple was happy just to enter and have fun together, and Treket and Ror were happy with second place.
> 
> Dirk may have trouble with love and vulnerability, but he REALLY likes Eridan, so he's gonna try.


	7. Miscommunication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a hunter shows up, Eridan fucks up, then Dirk fucks up,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eridan: I'm going to be sexy!  
> Eridan: That was a mistake.
> 
> Vampires must be invited into a home to enter.

The sky was a mix of clouds and clear, and Dirk could distinctly feel every time a cloud shifted in front of or away from the sun. He rubbed at the back of his neck, greasy with sunscreen.

“Want to head to the mall?” Dirk suggested. Seemed like a good excuse to get out of the sun. “Maybe the bookstore will have that book you wanted.”

“I doubt it,” Eridan huffed and tugged at his scarf, “They’re so goddamn slow with restockin it’s astounding they stay in business. And I told them to contact me when they did, anyways.

“Huh,” Dirk shrugged, “Wanna get lunch then?” Eridan hummed in thought.

“That sounds nice. Have you ever been to the seafood place down the street?”

“Don’t think so.” Dirk felt his phone buzz and paused to take it out of his pocket. His eyes narrowed when he saw the message.

 

TG: hey we got some trouble in the city

TG: hunter trouble

TT: How many and how strong?

TG: just one i think

TG: jade tipped me off

TG: guess hes experienced enough to be a problem but not savvy enough to think werewolves would have our back

TT: Got it.

TT: Stay low. I’ll be home in twenty minutes.

 

There was a brief pause before Dirk got a text back.

 

TG: are you

TG: walking your boyfriend home

TT: I want to make sure he gets back safe. They might already know his connection to me.

TG: true

TG: you know you could like

TG: invite him to stay at our house

TG: ill play my headphones loud and tell myself any other noises i heard are some weird effect

TT: Dave.

TT: No.

TT: It’ll be safer for all of us if he’s not at our house.

TT: Also. Dude. Seriously?

TG: hey man i know you want that nerds ass

TT: Goodbye, Dave.

 

Dirk sighed and pocketed his phone before turning to answer Eridan’s quizzical look.

“Something came up,” He started, “I gotta head back. Sorry to cut this short.” Eridan’s eyebrows drew together in concern.

“Everythin alright?”

“Yeah,” Dirk squeezed him around the shoulders, “Just some stuff I gotta head home for, but I can walk you home.”

They took a shortcut through some side streets to head back to the beach. Dirk kept an eye out for anyone suspicious. He would probably have to end up facing the hunter eventually, but he planned to do it after Eridan got home safety.

How had the hunter found him? Had Dirk been careless out at night? Had another non-human tipped them off? If it was something major, this guy could only be the first of many-

“Dirk? Did you hear me?”

“Huh?” Dirk stopped to look at Eridan. “Sorry, my bad. Zoned out there for a second.” Eridan answered with a concerned look.

“You sure everythin’s alright?”

“Yeah.” Dirk looked around. They had paused near the beach, at a street lined with palm trees. Dirk always saw them as a rather tacky attempt to spruce up the city. They didn’t even give good shade.

“You can, uh,” Eridan coughed, then dug his hands into his pockets, “You can talk to me if somethin’s botherin ya, ya know. I know I’m not so good at comfortin like Rox, but I’ll try.” Eridan gave an offhanded shrug. “And hey, if someone’s givin you crap I can make them eat their shoes.” Dirk smirked at the offer.

“That’s nice of you to offer, Eridan, really.” Dirk looked up at one of the rooftops. He thought he had seen a shadow slink by out of the corner of his eye. “But it’s nothing, real-”

Eridan cried out in alarm right before Dirk felt something crash into his shoulder. He hit the ground and rolled before getting up into a crouch. A man he didn’t know stood over him, feet planted apart. He wore a brown trench coat unsuitable for the weather, from which Dirk could sense several sources of magic. In his right hand he clenched a curved hardwood stake.

 _“Hoo boy,”_ Dirk thought.

The man lunged forward, jabbing the stake down. Dirk darted to the side and swung his fist in a hard hook into the man’s shoulder as he passed. He jumped back to his feet as the man stumbled and hit the ground.

“Dirk!” He heard Eridan shouting behind him.

“Eridan stay back,” Dirk shouted and held an arm out behind him, “This guy’s out of control.” It was true. He knew this kind of hunter. He glared at the man as he got up. It was the hunters that attacked any vampire without good reason that were likely to not care if they had to hurt a few others in the way.

The man reached into his coat and Dirk went tense. Instead of some kind of magic, he flung out a fistful of rice. Dirk flinched as they scattered onto the street.

 _“Don’t-”_ He tried to look away, _“Don’t start counting.”_ He ended up having to close his eyes. He listened to the rapid footsteps are the man charged forward, then dodged to the side. He felt the tip of the stake rip into his shirt, then the man’s arm hooked around his neck and yanked him down. He hit the concrete on his back. The wind would have been knocked out of him if he needed it.

Something pressed against his neck and burned. Dirk gasped in pain. Peeled garlic cloves. He opened his eyes to glare up at the man and found him raising his stake again. His eyes glittered with a cold triumph. Dirk couldn’t concentrate with the smell of garlic and the burn of it against his skin.

“Die, monster.” The man whispered.

A hand, sparkling with rings, clamped around the man’s hair from behind and another grabbed his wrist. Eridan grunted as he dragged the man off of Dirk and turned him around to face him. The man snarled and raised his stake toward Eridan.

“ **Calm down** ,” Eridan growled. His tone had a strange, reverberating affect. The man froze, arm hovering in midair. Eridan grabbed him by the shoulders and leaned in, voice dropping an octave.

“I want you to calm down and relax.” His words rose and fell in a soothing rhythm. Dirk propped himself up to look, holding the burn on his neck with one hand. He felt like he should be interceding, telling Eridan to get away, pulling the man away from Eridan before something happened. He needed to get that man away from Eridan.

But he couldn’t move. He was remarkably calm, like all his adrenaline and fear had faded.

The man’s arm dropped. He stared into Eridan’s eyes, not moving even as Dirk sat up. Eridan leaned back, still holding the man by the shoulders, and took a deep breath.

Eridan snapped his head forward and slammed his forehead directly between the eyes of the man. He released his shoulders and the man crumpled to the ground. Dirk blinked. His daze had vanished. He slowly got to his feet, still holding his burn. It must have been something that man did, and it vanished when he passed out.

“Nice headbutt,” Dirk commented. Shit, his voice sounded hoarse. The garlic was clogging up his sinuses.

“Thanks.” Eridan stared down at the man, then looked up at Dirk. The naked concern on his face was enough to make Dirk’s heart throb. “You ok?” Dirk nodded.

“Yeah.”

“Ok, so who the Hell is this guy, then?”

Dirk looked down at the unconscious body. He pretended to look hesitant to divulge as his mind searched for a good lie.

“Old boyfriend,” He answered finally. Eridan’s eyebrows shot up.

“Him??” Dirk shrugged.

“Didn’t last long. We broke up under bad circumstances.”

“He’s like-” Eridan squinted down at him, then at Dirk. “-What, twenty years older than ya??”

 _“Technically **I’m** 200 years older than **him**.” _ Dirk shrugged again. “It was a complicated time for me.”

Eridan’s mouth turned down into a scowl, but it looked like he at least halfway believed it. His gaze moved to Dirk’s hand over his neck.

“What’d he do?”

“It’s just a, rash.” Dirk moved his hand away, then winced as the sunlight touched it. He quickly covered it up again. He needed to wash it out. “Asshole knew I had an allergy to garlic.” Eridan scowled.

“What an ass.”

“Yup.” Dirk began to back into the shade, then flicked his phone out and called Roxy.

“Dirk?” Roxy’s voice answered with a touch of concern. “Everything ok? Dave said-”

“Yeah,” Dirk’s eyes flickered to Eridan, who was preoccupied with examining the body. Dirk lowered his voice. “Hunter. Eridan and I thrashed him. Would you mind coming by and talking to the cops? I gotta get out of here and wash some garlic off me.”

“Oooyeeeesh.” He could hear Roxy’s grimace through the phone. “Ye, hang tight. Me and Jane will be there in a sec.”

“Thanks.” He hung up, then noticed Eridan staring at his neck.

“Does it hurt?” Eridan asked. Dirk waved him off.

“Not too bad. They weren’t minced or anything so I’ll be fine.” He glanced around for a water fountain or something. “Should just rinse it off.”

“Here.” He looked back to see Eridan hold out a water bottle he had gotten from his bag. Dirk nodded thanks to him as he took it. He popped the top off and ran the water against the neck, giving up on keeping his shirt dry. It helped a little, but it definitely needed to be scrubbed with soap and some other stuff.

“Thanks.” He handed the half-empty water bottle back.” Eridan noticed he was still covering his burn with his hand and frowned. “It helped,” Dirk assured him. Eridan pressed his lips together, then stepped forward.

“Can I try something else?” He his face was turning pink all of a sudden. He stared down at the street as he asked, shuffling his feet. Dirk blinked.

“Try what?”

Eridan squeezed his eyes shut, then moved forward and brought his lips to Dirk’s neck. Dirk stiffened, then slowly moved his hand away under the nudging of his mouth. Eridan wound his arms around his shoulders and kissed the burn, then gently running his tongue over it. Dirk’s eyelids lowered and he let his shoulders sag under Eridan’s hold.

Then Eridan’s teeth sunk into Dirk’s neck, sharp, too sharp for a human.

Dirk reacted automatically. His hands that were already on Eridan’s hips heaved him upwards and Eridan gave a yelp of surprise before Dirk twisted and threw him over his shoulder. As Eridan hit the ground on his back, Dirk’s surprise turned to horror. Eridan blinked rapidly, then stared up at him with a mix of pain and confusion.

“Erida-” Dirk started forward, then the sun hit his burn again and he hissed before slapping his hand over it again.

“Dirk! Eri??” He turned to see Roxy and Jane running toward them. “Holy shit! What-” Dirk stepped aside to let Roxy help Eridan up. “Eri what happened?”

“I fucked up,” Eridan choked. He was crying. Oh shit he was crying. Dirk couldn’t believe he’d panicked like that. Of course Eridan wasn’t a vampire. Dirk had known that. He had acted on instinct. Stupid, stupid-

Dirk took a step back. Roxy shot him a bewildered look.

“Dirk-”

“Take him home,” Dirk rasped. He took another step back. Roxy scowled.

“Dirk Strider you are **not-** ” Before she could finish the sentence he turned and bolted toward the nearest building. Even holding his burn, and disoriented by the smell of garlic, he managed to leap up and scale upwards. He ignored Roxy’s irate shouting and pulled himself up onto the roof. He knew what he was doing was cowardly, would make things worse, but his mind was racing and buzzing and more than anything he didn’t want to see Eridan’s hurt, confused expression again.

He went sprinting across the rooftops toward home. The sun burned down on him, seeming to draw _coward_ into his back as he ran.

 

000

 

“What’d I do??” Eridan babbled as Roxy pulled him to his feet. “What’d I **do**?” He was getting the words out through hard wheezes. Dirk must have knocked the wind out of him. Roxy bit her lip as she slung one arm over her shoulders.

“Eri, Eri it’s ok. You didn’t do anything.” Roxy looked up at the apartment Dirk had disappeared over. “Dirk, what the fuck?”

“I did’t wrong.” Eridan whimpered and clung to Roxy. “I was tryin to be sexy’n I did it wrooong.”

“Eri, Eri shh,” Roxy patted him on the back as Jane helped him stand up straight and looked him over for injuries.

“Anything feel broken?” Jane asked, “Nausea? Does your neck hurt?”

“I bit’m,” Eridan mumbled, “Was tryin to be sexy.” Roxy’s eyes went wide, then she turned to look at Jane. Jane shot her a grimace back.

“Aw Hell,” Roxy sighed and linked her arm with his. “C’mon Eri. Let’s go home, get some tea, and we can talk about it.”

 

000

 

Dave twisted around in his chair as the door opened and Dirk walked in.

“Dude,” Dave’s nose wrinkled up, “Holy shit, you reek of garlic. What-”

“Shower,” Dirk grunted and headed into the bathroom. He turned the heat high enough to steam to room and stripped his clothes off. He grabbed the soap and scrubbed at his neck. The sensation reminded him of Eridan and he felt another rush of guilt. He had just been trying to help, and be a little flirty about it. Dirk was just too paranoid, too jumpy.

He got out to find Roxy had been dinging his phone. He sighed and picked it up as he scrubbed a towel through his hair.

 

tipsyGnostalgic  began pestering timeausTestified

 

TG: yo dirk

TG: dirk

TG: diiiiirk

TT: Is Eridan ok?

TG: ye hes fine

TG: so uh

TT: I fucked up.

TG: well so did i

TG: i might have told him neck bitin was sexy srry

TT: Are you kidding me.

TT: Whatever, I still overreacted.

TT: I wasn’t thinking. I was still tense after the hunter and I felt his teeth and things went straight to instinct.

TG: ye well runnin away didnt help much

TG: go apologize

TT: You apologize.

TG: i did you toddler

TG: like a madwoman

TT: He probably doesn’t even want to see me.

TG: dirk

TG: buddy

TG: get off yer goddamn undead ass and apologize to him

TT: I’ve told you I’m not actually undead. I was never human, and I never died.

TG: im gonna fix that if you dont fix this

TG: get my drift

TT: Yes Roxy I understood the blatant threat.

TT: And I know Eridan deserves an apology. I’ll do it.

TG: when

TT: Soon, I promise.

TG: u better

TG: and dirk

TG: you should really tell him

TT: I know.

TG: u want me to?

TT: No, Roxy, this is really something I should do on my own.

TG: ye ye i know

TG: ya had me swear to never tell anyone and i mean ANYONE

TG: just like ANY KINDA MAGICAL CREATURE WOULD

TG: IF THEY WERE DISGUISED AS A HUMAN AND HAPPENED TO BEFRIEND AN ALLURING AND GENIUS YOUNG HUMAN GIRL

TT: You don’t have to be so frustrated about it.

TG: le sigh

TG: i guess thats just par for the course a knowin non humans

TG: you gotta keep aaaall these secrets even when its really frustratin

TG: even harder when you know more than one

TG: who knows how many i could know?

TT: Me, Dave, Jake, and Kanaya.

TG: u sure bout that dirk?

TG: u suuuure?

TT: Can this conversation end now?

TG: ugh stg

 

Dirk sighed and closed the chat before tossing himself onto his bed. He did need to apologize to Eridan. Too bad he had no idea how to do that.

He held his phone up above his face and selected Eridan’s chat.

 

_Eridan, I’m so fucking sor-_

_Hey, I’m really so-_

_Are you-_

_You probably don’t want to hear from me but-_

Well that was just a fucking guilt trip. He groaned and deleted the message once again. So much for the charming and suave vampire.

He closed his eyes, and Eridan’s expression flashed behind his lids. This was really the only result that could have happened from pursuing a relationship with a human. He might as well stake himself at this point, finish the hunter’s job.

He heard a knock at the door, followed by Dave’s voice.

“Hey, dude, you alright? Wanna order some sushi or something?”

“I’m fine, Dave.” Dirk rolled over onto his side. “I’m going to sleep until night.” There was a pause, then Dave answered.

“Alright. See ya.”

Dirk sighed and closed his eyes. He was lying to himself if he thought he was going to be able to sleep. He needed to fix this. Somehow, someway.

 

000

 

Eridan sighed and buried his face into his pillow. A ray of moonlight filtered in through the crack in his curtains, the only source of light in his room. He lay on his stomach in bed, his legs tangled restlessly in the blankets.

He had thought about going back to sleep in the ocean after what happened with Dirk, but he had been too depressed to bother calling Roxy to get his pendant back. So here he lay in the middle of the night, unable to sleep because his head was crammed how **stupid** he had been on his date. Of course Dirk was gonna freak out if he chomped at his neck. Eridan ran his tongue over his teeth. Even in human form, they were sharper than Roxy’s. That had probably scared the Hell out of Dirk. Had he drawn blood? Eridan hadn’t tasted any, but maybe it had been hard enough-

He groaned and pressed his face further into the pillow. He was a disaster. Dirk wasn’t going to want to be in the same room as him, now.

The slant of moonlight disappeared, making Eridan blink and look up. Must’ve gotten cloudy.

Then he heard a tapping at his window, too rhythmic and repetitive to be some stray thing caught by the wind. He scowled and sat up. The tapping persisted so with a scowl he rolled out of bed and grabbed a pair of shorts, pulling them on before walking over to the window. Whatever bird or thing it was, it was going to get a good scare.

He peeked through the curtain and his eyes went wide. Dirk offered a small wave, crouched on the windowsill.

“D…” Eridan pulled the curtain away and opened the window. “Dirk what-”

“Can I come in?” Dirk asked. Eridan blinked.

“Uh,” Eridan started to step aside, “Sure, I-” Fast as lightning Dirk had slipped through the gap of the window and flowed past him to stand in the middle of the room. Eridan whirled around to face him. They stood there for a few seconds, constrained by a palatable awkwardness.

“I’m sorry,” They both blurted out. Dirk blinked, then scowled.

“Eridan, you don’t have to sorry. I was way out of line.”

“No no-” Eridan flailed his hands to stop him. “I shouldn’t a…A course you were gonna react if I **bit** ya.”

“I shouldn’t have reacted like that, though.” Dirk shook his head. “I acted on instinct and, you didn’t deserve that. You aren’t hurt, are you?”

“Oh nah,” Eridan rolled his shoulders back, “I got thick skin. See-” He turned around. “No bruis…” He led off, then it occurred to him that he was virtually naked, alone in his room with Dirk. A deep flush rose into his cheeks and he sputtered before spinning around.

“I-I’m gonna put somethin on!” He stammered before making a dash for his dresser. Dirk didn’t say anything, he just politely turned away and waited as Eridan wrestled on a shirt and skirt. Eridan then spun back to face him, feeling his face burning.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Dirk continued, “It was all me. I-” He paused, then turned his head to stare at the wall. Eridan fiddled his fingers together, waiting anxiously for him to continue.

“…There’s something I need to tell you,” Dirk said finally, “After what happened, you deserve to know.” Eridan’s eyebrows drew together, but he nodded along.

“Ok, what?” Dirk didn’t continue. “If it makes you feel better,” Eridan started, “I’d be cool with it if you said you were a murderer or some shit.” Dirk’s head snapped around to look at him. Eridan shrugged. “Just sayin.”

“Ok well,” Dirk dug his hands into his pockets, “For starters, I have killed someone. Not without cause, but it is a thing I have done.” Eridan answered with a casual shrug. “At the risk of freaking you out, that’s not what I was going to say.”

“What then?”

Dirk sighed and ran a hand over his hair.

“I can’t tell you here,” He muttered, half to himself, “Not after I just woke you up out of bed, not when I’m standing invited into your house.” Eridan’s eyebrows crinkled in confusion, but he nodded along. It was probably a human thing.

“Will you meet me out on the beach at 10pm tomorrow?” Dirk asked, “In the place Jane had her party.” Eridan nodded.

“Sure.”

“Ok.” Dirk nodded. “And, I’m sorry about throwing you, again. Seriously.” Eridan answered with a faint laugh.

“It’s fine, Dirk. I’m sorry for scarin ya. I won’t try it again.”

Dirk nodded, then before Eridan could blink he was out the window again, jumping down the porch and onto the sand.

Eridan bit his lip, then ran across the room to lean out the window.

“Dirk! Hang on!” Dirk paused and turned back.

“Yeah?” Eridan’s fingers dug into the wood of the windowsill.

“I got-” He swallowed, “I got somethin to tell you then too.” Dirk nodded.

“Alright.”

“Th…That’s all.” Eridan’s eyes flickered to the side. “Um, g’night.” He slammed the window shut and fell back onto the floor with a groan.

He had to do this. Dirk wasn’t gonna try and kill him. He was going to do this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roxy is so ready for them to tell each other she's dropping some blatant hints which are being blatantly misunderstood.


	8. Finally a Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our dear lovers freak out a bit, three or more is a crowd, and somewhere along the way they manage to let each other know something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late. I wanted to add a little more action.

caligulasAquarim  began pestering tipsyGnostalgic

 

CA: why did i decide to do this

TG: eri hes not gonna dissect you

CA: but like

CA: what if it makes it so he doesnt LIKE me

TG: eri hes gonna be fine with it

CA: how do you know

TG: just

TG: trust me

 

000

 

 

TT: He knows my apartment’s general location, my phone number, and my present social media.

TT: It’ll be at 10pm so a good time for movement outside.

TT: Just in case, be ready to leave on short notice. Packed, dressed. The usual.

TG: Dude, you can’t get like this every time you’re going to tell someone.

TT: Are you packed?

TG: always

 

000

 

Eridan took a deep breath, then another, then another, then just gave up. It didn’t have the same affect for him as it did with humans. He wished he could wait in the ocean and focus on the feeling of the water pulling through his gills.

He dug at the sand with his feet. What had Dirk been planning to tell him? Eridan had been so preoccupied with what he had to tell Dirk, he hadn’t had time to worry about it.

Until now. Now all his anxiety was culminating into one big wad of jitters. Was Dirk going to say they should end the relationship? He probably was put off by the bite, even though he said it was fine.

Eridan wrapped his fingers tight around themselves. He would have left by now if Dirk hadn’t said he had something to tell him too.

He heard footsteps over the sand behind him and took a deep breath in, then turned around.

“D…” He began, then led off as his expression turned into relieved disappointment. It wasn’t Dirk. Just some stranger hiking across the beach. He cursed himself and turned away again. He needed to get himself together, get a rein on these nerves.

He heard some shuffling and glanced over his shoulder. That guy again, he was walking in his direction. Eridan scowled. He didn’t want some random passerby overhearing this.

“Hey, would ya mind walkin somewhere else?” He tried to make the request somewhat polite, “I’m, meetin someone.” The man just stared at him, hands dug into the pockets of his overcoat. Eridan scowled and made a shooing gesture. “What, did ya not understand me?”

“I understood you,” The man answered, “Who are you meeting, non-human?”

Eridan froze, his hand hanging in the air. The man took another step forward, and Eridan heard other footsteps behind him, several.

Well fuck.

He spun around to face the others, eyes darting around at the group. Could he handle this before Dirk got here? How much did they know? How did they find out? Was it that stunt with the guy who attacked Dirk? He hadn’t done anything too flashy there, but if the right people had been watching…

“He’s the one who took down Razor, huh?” Eridan’s eyes flickered to the man who had spoke. “What is he?”

“Dangerous.” The one in front of Eridan moved his arm, and Eridan saw a gleam of metal in his hand. A knife? A gun?

Eridan opened his mouth. The man jerked his gun up at his head.

Dirk landed onto the man’s back and the gun went off with a silenced *pchk!*

“Eridan!” Dirk shouted as they hit the sand. “Run!”

Like Hell he was running. The group around them rushed toward the both of them. Eridan dove to the side, rolling a bit before getting to his feet. He could just put them all to sleep, but he needed to make sure none of them were going to shoot him in the meantime. They seemed to be more focused on Dirk, though. Odd, since he wasn’t the “non-human” they had wanted.

Dirk leapt off the man to face another one of them. He easily swerved around their blows, almost dancing between them. For a second it seemed like he wouldn’t need any help, but there were a lot of them, and being surrounded was never good.

“Hey!” Eridan strode forward, pitching his voice to attract their notice. “Back off!” They all turned on him. Eridan waited for a few tense seconds, letting them get close.

Yeah, screw some lullaby.

“Dirk!” Eridan shouted, “Cover yer ears!”

Dirk didn’t ask. He just plugged both ears with his fingers as he roundhouse kicked one of the attackers.

Eridan screamed. It wasn’t a song, meant to lull someone to sleep or peace. It was hardly a voice. It was just noise, noise at that perfect frequency that would touch a human’s brain and make it twist and shudder. It was a short range. Anyone not ten feet from him might get off with just a murderous headache. With any luck, he would catch the attackers and not permanently injure Dirk.

They all dropped around him at once. Eridan looked to make sure Dirk was unaffected and turned around just in time to see Dirk sink his teeth into the last man’s throat. They hit the ground and Eridan smelled blood in the air.

Well, that was efficient. Eridan would have gone for the carotid arteries, but that still worked.

Dirk straightened up, then wiped his mouth on his sleeve before turning to face Eridan. Eridan froze. All around him, the bodies of his attackers now lay inexplicably limp around him. For a few seconds, Dirk only stared at him. Eridan stared back. He had to say it. He had to at least explain. Dirk at least deserved that.

Dirk cleared his throat, which Eridan realized must have been him asking the obvious question. Before Eridan could think, the words were tumbling out of his mouth.

“I’m a siren.”

“I’m a vampire.”

There was a beat of silence, which featured a lot of rapid blinking and confused looks.

“Wait-” They both started, then broke off. Dirk shook his head and held his hand out.

“Ok-” He started.

“You’re a vampire?!” Eridan shouted, then winced when Dirk pressed a finger to his lips with a sharp look. “Sorry I- You’re- Like Kan?!”

“I-” Dirk nodded. “…Yeah, basically. I mean, different subspe-never mind, you’re a siren??”

“Well-” Eridan flushed and looked down at the sand. “That’s what- Sort of. I’m merfolk, or merrow. Or whatever. Humans call us a lot a different things. So I thought, it would be simpler to call it that. You’re…” He raised his head to squint at Dirk. “You’re serious about bein a vampire?”

“Dude,” Dirk waved a hand at the fallen man, “I just, sunk my teeth into someone’s throat.”

“That’s a valid move in a fight!” Eridan argued.

“Not with human teeth.” Dirk bared his teeth to show the sharp fangs, then took his glasses off. They glowed unmistakably in the dark light. Yeah, human eyes didn’t do that.

“I can’t believe this,” Eridan groaned and reached up to knit his fingers into his hair, “And all this time, Roxy was sayin you wouldn’t-” He froze and his eyes snapped open in realization.

“Roxy,” Dirk smacked the heel of his hand against his temple. “She knew. She knew about us both.”

“Are you fuckin serious!?” Eridan shrieked.

“Fuck.”

“I cannot-!” Eridan threw his arms up, then swung them down again. “-believe!”

“I can hear her laughter in my mind,” Dirk muttered, rubbing his temples.

“I can’t…” Eridan groaned and ran his hands through his hair. “…believe this…so wait are you-”

“Ok wait,” Dirk raised one hand, “Before we get into this, the bodies.”

“Fuck!” Eridan spun around to look at the fallen bodies around them. “Right, fuck, right. Uh-”

“The ocean,” Dirk suggested. Eridan nodded quickly and heaved one of them up.

“I know where to put them where they won’t be found. G-Gimme a hand here before the police show up. Aw hell, the bloods gonna be on the sand.”

“I can clean that up.”

“Good, good, alright. Anyone around? I can make em fall asleep.”

“I’ll hypnotize anyone who comes by.”

“You’ll- Fine, fine whatever. Just grab that guy already.”

 

000

 

“When my amulet is in the hands of a human,” Eridan lay on the beach next to Dirk, staring up at the sky as he spoke, “I turn into a human, with legs and stuff. To turn back, I take the amulet out a the hands of a human, and completely immerse myself in water. If I stay human for a full moon cycle, I’ll be stuck as one forever.”

“Huh.” Dirk answered.

“I can, uh, affect people with my singin,” Eridan continued, “You caught me singing once, and I don’t think you realized it but you were in a total trance.”

“Sounds about right,” Dirk answered, “Your friend, Feferi, she’s one too?”

“Yeah. She uh,” He made a vague gesture in the air, “She was tryin to…nudge us along, you could say. Sorry about that. I know you ain’t like, supposed to do that to your friends.”

“You saved me with it too, didn’t you?” Dirk pointed out. “With the guy who attacked me.”

“Oh, yeah,” Eridan snorted, “That wasn’t an old boyfriend.” Dirk chuckled back.

“Hell no, you think I’d date a guy like that?”

They were silent for a while, staring up at the stars and listening to the rhythmic sounds of the waves.

“…I’ve definitely dated guys crazier than him,” Dirk admitted. Eridan snorted.

“For one thing, you went for me.”

“You’re not anything like him, Eridan.” Dirk rolled over to look at him. “You’re, frankly, incredible.”

Eridan snorted. “Not compared to you.” He tilted his head over to look to face him. “You remember when that guy stole my pendant? You scaled a wall to get that back.”

“Yep.”

“ **That** was amazing.”

“Nah.” Dirk looked back up at the stars. “What kind of stuff can you do with your singing?”

“Well uh,” Eridan’s voice caught a little in hesitation, “I can calm people down, or uh, arouse them, or put them to sleep.”

“Sounds useful,” Dirk answered.

“…Y’know, I used to hate humans,” Eridan murmured, “For clogging the ocean up with all their trash, ruinin the environment, I planned to kill’m all one day.”

“Something changed, I’m guessing,” Dirk said, “Since you were willing to date one.”

“Well, **yeah** , I mean-” Eridan shrugged, “Really, what happened was I **met** one. I came into contact with a human that wasn’t throwin fishin nets out or tossing junk into the water. And I realized that well, they ain’t all that bad. Hell, maybe even some a them were **good**.” Eridan turned his head to look at Dirk. “What about you? What got you hangin around in a human society?”

“Same thing, I guess,” Dirk answered, “Stayed in solitude for a long time, eventually met some interesting humans and came out of my cage a bit.”

“Huh.” Eridan turned back to stare up at the sky. “Interestin.”

“…We’re both talking about Roxy, aren’t we?”

“Yeah,” Eridan admitted, “She’s, somethin else. It’s almost unfortunate she was my first human interactions cause I’ve never met one who measured up to her.”

“She does have a kind of composure I don’t see in people often,” Dirk conceded.

“Yeah.” Eridan dug his fingers into the sand, then licked his lips in apprehension. “So,” He started, then hesitated. Dirk hummed to show he was listening, “Are we, does this mean you wanna like, stay together?”

“I do,” Dirk answered immediately, “I mean, if you’re ok with, this.”

“I am,” Eridan answered, “I mean, it’d be downright hypocritical if I wasn’t.”

“You shouldn’t stay with me out of fear of being hypocritic-”

“That’s not what I meant!” Eridan cut in hastily, “I, I really do like ya, if that’s what you’re worried about.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Dirk answered, and it sounded honest. Eridan cracked a smile.

“So we’re still together?”

“Hell yes.” Dirk’s hand found Eridan’s across the sand between them. “We’re gonna be a merfolk-vampire pair. Gonna make the conservatives cry.”

“I don’t know what that means but I’m on board.”

Dirk hesitated, then rolled over to face Eridan again. Eridan rolled over as well with a quizzical expression. Dirk gently took Eridan's chin in his hand, then leaned in. Eridan reached out to clasp his shoulder to pull himself toward him as their lips met. It tasted like saltwater from Eridan pulling the bodies in the ocean, and blood from when Dirk had bitten into the man's neck. It was a little awkward and a little covered with sand, but in that moment it was perfect.

Yeah, looks like giving it a shot had been the right choice after all.

 

000

 

TT: You could have told us.

TG: nuh uh

TG: i swore ta u both

TG: miss zipperlips here

TG: it was somethin you guys had to tell each other

TG: u kno that dirky ;)

TT: You could have told me Eridan knew about vampires. That would have made things much easier without breaking your promise.

TG: meh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end! Thank you for everyone who read this fic! And a special thank you to everyone who liked and commented on it! You guys are the reason I keep writing!
> 
> I'm going to be having a little collection of stories after this with their relationship, so keep an eye out for that if you want.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Evening Primrose](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14283468) by [Diddleydont](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diddleydont/pseuds/Diddleydont)




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